AROUND THE WORLD

you know how we complain around here in the summer when we get a few consecutive days in the 90's? well, how about a month with temps in the 110+ range. A MONTH! india is suffering thru their worst heat wave ever and wednesday saw the mercury hit 117 degrees.  over 1400 people have died this month from heat related causes but relief is in sight as cooling monsoons should reach the area next week and how whack is that? praying for monsoon rains???? what a world.

want to save some time this summer when making carmelized onions for those burgers coming off the grill? start as normal in a skillet with thinly sliced onions in oil over medium heat.  now the trick to cut the carmelizing time in half: after two minutes, add 1/8 teaspoon and a like amount of sea salt. tumble the onions to mix and watch them brown quickly. bon appetit!

WHAT???? GENERAL RAY ODIERNO. the army chief of staff says 'human error was not the cause of live ANTHRAX being shipped to nine different locations. it was a failure to completely kill the virus before it was shipped."  ok, general, a quick question:  who was supposed to kill the virus? my guess would be a........human.  duh.  i'm sure he meant to say that a machine failed but you could at least practice your speech before coming off like homer simpson.

CELEBRITY CHEF BOBBY FLAY is in the middle of a nasty divorce and his wife of ten years filed a court document that claims flay was having an affair with JANUARY JONES of 'MAD MEN' and that they met on a regular basis at the LONDON HOTEL in los angeles. spouse STEPHANIE MARCH (you might remember her as a district attorney on 'LAW & ORDER SVU') also provided the court with credit card receipts for numerous visits to the hotel and "it wasn't me signing the receipts."  is it possible that flay & jones were just exchanging recipes and it was all perfectly innocent?? ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, no.

file this under future lawsuit: a high school junior in florida won the election for the position of historian for the NATIONAL HONOR SOCIETY but was stripped of the position for wearing 'inappropriate dress' to the election, with the committee stating she violated her school's dress code.
problem is the school's handbook says first time offenders will be verbally warned with no other punishment.  uh-oh.  she was at the school for over an hour and no one said anything until after the results were announced.  god, i wish i had become a lawyer.  here's a photo of the inappropriate dress.



this high school administration has serious issues if they think that dress is inappropriate by any standards.  start filing the briefs in court.

ok, that's all i have for now.  time to plant the garden!

THE POST SEASON ROCKS!

WOW. if you're into hockey and aren't totally stoked over the conference finals, there is something seriously wrong with you. both the east & the west will decide the issue with a GAME SEVEN, the first on friday night with the NEW YORK RANGERS & TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING battling for the right to lose in the finals to either the CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS or the ANAHEIM DUCKS. 

overtimes, breakaways, fantastic goal tending, unsung stars stepping up, hard hitting, chippy play and blind referees have all combined to make this year's playoffs the best EVER with just four teams remaining after six weeks of play and that number gets cut in half by sunday.  in case you're wondering, the rangers are heavy favorites to win friday night and the ducks are slight favorites to advance to the finals on saturday.  i said two weeks ago "hawks in 7" and i'm sticking with that.  hawks & rangers in the finals would be classic with two of the original six squaring off for the cup.

will someone please tell CHANNEL 7 sportscaster DIONNE MILLER that it's ok for her to comb her hair before she goes on the air? her coif always looks like it's full of knots and tangles and she just climbed out of bed.

the north side wonders are slowly slipping back to a .500 record and that early april kool-aid is not quite as sweet as they head to the end of may with 3 games against the AMERICAN LEAGUE CHAMPION KANSAS CITY ROYALS looming this weekend. we'll see.

and to make north siders truly happy, YOURS TRULY will be in attendance friday afternoon to welcome the royals and do a thorough walk around to honestly evaluate the state of the dump on addison.  i don't know whether to count porta potties or beer cubs full of urine left on the ledges by classy cubs fans.

i say KUDOS TO THE CHICAGO BEARS for their quick actions on releasing thug RAY MCDONALD after he beat up ANOTHER woman earlier this week.  they gave this guy a second chance which was fine and it took him all of four weeks to piss that away.  by the way, this jungle predator was ARRESTED AGAIN TONIGHT for violating the order of protection issued on monday.  animals like this need to be put down.

i still think both the LOS ANGELES DODGERS & THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS have the best home uniforms.  classic look and they don't mess with them.

is LEBRON JAMES the most unpopular superstar ever? he's the best player in the league but man, he's tough to like.  whiny little bitch. THE NBA FINALS? GOLDEN STATE IN SIX GAMES. lbj has no supporting cast and will have to work really hard for every basket.  the country will be treated to an offensive juggernaut as the warriors will score from everywhere.

and speaking of whiny little bitches, exactly how jealous of JIMMY BUTLER is MR. SOFTEE? as we all know, softee quit on the team in their season ending loss and pouted because butler WANTED the ball. softee reacts by holding his breath and stomping his feet BUT NOT playing basketball the last three quarters. please shop him around. now.

just how serious is the knee injury of AVISAIL GARCIA of the WHITE SOX? he sat out a game but could only play two innings on his return tuesday and could barely get back to first on a pickoff play.  sounds like someone needs his knee drained AND an MRI.  

i'm figuring ROBIN VENTURA has about two weeks left in a WHITE SOX uniform.  the team shows no emotion which mirrors his cardboard personality and his in-game decisions still have people around the league scratching their heads.  attendance is plummeting and the sox drew 300,000 less people in 2014 then they did in 2012, his first year of managing OZZIE'S players and he's FORTY FREAKING GAMES UNDER .500 in his 3 1/2 years.

during the next two weeks, the sox play 14 games: two against the ORIOLES, SIX against the best team in the american league, the HOUSTON ASTROS, three in texas and three  against the tigers. the sox need to go 9-5 to reach .500 and if they don't, they have to pull the trigger or wave the white flag and start trading players.  i realize he doesn't bat or field or pitch but when your team is LAST in every divisional category that counts, CHANGES HAVE TO BE MADE. emotion is part of the game and he has zero.

ok, i'm done.  adios

CHOKING DOGS

CHOKING DOGS!  how the hell do you have a game six elimination game on your home court and just lay down and die? in not one, but TWO quarters they only score 13 points. add to that "superstar" DERRICK ROSE's (a.k.a. MR SOFTEE) performance of fourteen points in an elimination game and they became the NBA's version of the TITANIC. 

 i've said it before but if a team is willing to give a #1 for mr. softee, just bite the bullet and pay part of his ridiculous salary and send that candy ass out on the next bus.  what's the matter, mr. softee, does your shoulder hurt? or is it your shooting hand? or your ankle? or knee? maybe your back.  YOU SUCK! 

superstars LEAD THEIR TEAMS, not disappear when the chips are down. what's that? "you could care less what we think?" well, i could care less where you play basketball but the sad part is we're probably stuck with you and your weak ass play in big games for a long time. you're simply THE JAY CUTLER OF THE BULLS.
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CONGRATS TO THE CHICAGO CUBS! 4 in a row over the east division leading NEW YORK METS to send a shiver of excitement thru all the fans from boys town to grayslake as they all drool at the prospect of the cubs being good.  can't win with only three starters and no bullpen but they do hit the ball and comebacks are becoming the norm for them. and i really like their closer.   JAVY BAEZ?  who's that?
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now get ready for the BLACKHAWKS to get physically beat down by the ANAHEIM DUCKS starting sunday on the west coast. the hawks better have their heads on a swivel because the ducks will check their mother if she gets in the way at the blue line.  VEGAS SAYS the ducks are slight favorites to win the series and advance to the finals but the hawks will counter with their speed and goaltending.   if they stay healthy, HAWKS IN 7.
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the WHITE SOX have decided that it's important to catch the ball in the major leagues and in order to shore up the worst defense in the american league, MICAH JOHNSON was sent to the minors and glue gloved CARLOS SANCHEZ was brought up to play second base.  johnson was hitting .279 but couldn't catch a cold. 

 it's interesting that the sox lineup has featured defense since the bosses chewed the ass of lame duck manager ROBIN VENTURA, with gold glovers GORDON BECKHAM and ADAM LaROCHE seeing more playing time in the field. a few of the regulars have started to hit with three of them raising their averages thirty points in the last ten days but the offense has a long, long way to go.
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does anyone care when ALEX RODRIGUEZ does anything regarding baseball stats?  i love the fact the YANKEES ignored the fact that he passed the great WILLIE MAYS on the all time home run list.
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know what else puts a smile on my face? every time i see the batting stats for that cheating bastard from the MILWAUKEE BREWERS, .248 and just six homers. if RYAN BRAUN had any stones at all, he would have returned that 2011 MVP award to the league or mailed it to runner up MATT KEMP. what's the matter, cheater? tough to hit when you're not juicing???  screw you.  

 and the best part is the brewers have to pay him (now get ready for this) ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE MILLION starting next year thru 2020. the brewers deserve every bit of this for not dumping that cheating prick when he got caught.
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it was interesting with TOM THIBODEAU coaching the bulls and he revived the club with that clenched jaw defense.  i certainly didn't agree with how he used his bench but you can't have everything.    adios, thibs and good luck in your next gig in either NEW ORLEANS or ORLANDO.

and that's it for now.  ciao

odds & ends

FINALLY! the fuse for ROBIN VENTURA'S departure has finally been lit.  following a meeting with the top brass of the CHICAGO WHITE SOX,  DOPEY was told in no uncertain terms that he had better be more 'hands on' with the team and that he's accountable for areas like bad base running, bad defense and bad decisions from the bench, it's only a matter of time.  watch for dopey to resign be mid-summer if things don't improve.

TOM THIBODEAU was outcoached on sunday by, of all people, cleveland cavalier head master DAVID BLATT, who has struggled with in-game decisions since coming to the NBA from europe. but this time, he outmaneuverd tibs in a number of areas, including clogging the lanes and forcing the bulls to hit jump shots and eliminate drives to the basket.  tibs also continues to use JOAQUIM NOAH, which forces the bulls to play 4 on 5 basketball when they have the rock because noah can't make a free throw or a shot, including seven missed LAYUPS in the last two games. did anyone think that LEBRON JAMES was going to miss that last shot?  he's the best player in the world and that's why they pay him the big bucks. yes, i know. he whines about every call.

the wonder boys of the north side had their world series express slowed this week by dropping 5 of 7 to the cardinals & brewers.  the first series just proved what a lot of people suspected; that the cubbies aren't ready for the glare of a big time pennant race and the series against the brew crew amplified the fact that the bullpen is more than a little shaky. check the e.r.a.'s coming out of the pen and only ZAC ROSSCUP is decent with the rest being 3.50 or more.  hardly world series stuff.

i say again.  KRIS BRYANT can't hit the slider.  yet.

which CHICAGO team is closer to first place?  if you guessed the team in blue, sorry.

the WHITE SOX showed some signs of life offensively this week but they're still the only team in the american league with less than a hundred runs scored and only the phillies have less overall.

just a thought: PHILLES MANAGER RYNE SANDBERG was 73-89 in his first year of managing in 2014 and the phillies look to be at least a 90 loss team this year.  will sandberg get to finish his three year contract in 2016?

looks like the BLACKHAWKS will get the ANAHEIM DUCKS in the conference finals and the quackers will have home ice.  the ducks are big and love to hit and their goalie is at 1.96 goals allowed in the playoffs. the teams are pretty even on offense but the hawks are forty goals better on defense.  hawks in 7.

enjoy your week.

WHOLE LOTTA SHAKIN GOING ON!

So you think the CHICAGO BULLS are ready to dump the injury riddled/suspension plagued CLEVELAND CAVALIERS? well, the bookies have their middle fingers upraised and they're looking at you!  they've made the cavs & LEBRON 12-5 favorites to win the series and a 4.5 favorite for tonight's game. now we all know that the bulls have to win one game in cleveland and then protect home court to win the series so maybe tonight is the night to move on the bulls.  healthy & rested but who shows up tonight, derrick or mr. softee?

i'm always intriqued by the timing of terminations in baseball. in most sports, they take place the day after the season ends but in baseball, it can happen anytime. MILWAUKEE BREWER manager RON ROENICKE got the ax yesterday AFTER beating the revived CUBS two out of three but the brewers aren't a very good team and had a lot of early injuries but when you start the season 7-18 and are mentioned daily as the 'worst team in baseball, you are ripe for a pink slip.  

now if JERRY REINSDORF would just apply the above logic to a team that's 8-14 and the 'disappointment of the year,' maybe we could turn things around on the south side.

HOW ABOUT THOSE BLACKHAWKS? after doing a HOUDINI in the first game against the MINNESOTA WILD, they totally dominate game two and now force the wild to win 4 of the next 5 games with two of those at the united center, where the hawks are undefeated in the post season this year.

the 'fight of the century' went as planned for the bookies as FLOYD MAYWEATHER won a unanimous decision. most of the betting was on MANNY PACQUIAO, probably because mayweather is extremely good but VERY unlikable, kind of like betting against the NEW YORK YANKEES in their heyday. reports vary but it looks like mayweather pockets 165 million and manny brings home 115 million. not too bad for 36 minutes of work. i wonder how much UNCLE SAM takes for his cut.

HEY, THE CHICAGO FIRE have won three of four.........just kidding.  i needed some filler.

BULLS/CAVS   whoyagot?

REPORT CARD TIME

The CHICAGO BEARS have a lot of holes to fill so you can't complain about them picking KEVIN WHITE in the first round.  big time speed finally gives them a LEGITIMATE deep threat.  and he's not a locker room cancer.     A+

The CHICAGO BULLS are driving everyone crazy with their inconsistency. sleepwalking against the bucks before last night's blowout makes you wonder if they can even get past the CAVALIERS, who lost KEVIN LOVE to shoulder surgery.  normally, a disaster like that for your opponent puts a gleam in your eye as a fan but not for me.  my eyebrow is still raised.        B

TOM THIBODEAU, what the hell is your problem??  the bulls are up FORTY POINTS in the 4th quarter and you still have some of your starters on the floor? even after the other coach had sent in all of his reserves, effectively waving the white flag of surrender?   dumb ass.      F

If i was the general manager of the bulls, i would shop MR. SOFTEE (derrick rose) around after this season to get a monster draft choice and a couple of players and re-tool this club.  rose is damaged goods above his neck and who knows about his knee?  9 points one night, 34 the next. you can't win the big one when you can't depend on your 'star.'  turn the club over to JIMMY BUTLER and move on. the grade for rose?      D

The CHICAGO CUBS had a great month and other than the bullpen, did almost everything right. starting the season with a 12-8 record for april has to have every fan smiling. just a small caveat......the worst team in baseball last year was the HOUSTON ASTROS and their record for the month was 15-7.  just sayin...........    B

The WHITE SOX can't hit, pitch or field.  five starters hitting UNDER .215. 4 of 5 starting pitchers with e.r.a.'s over 5.00 and the 5th one at 4.78.   can't win like that.    the only redeeming factor so far has been the bullpen.  their new closer has allowed ZERO runs and only 3 hits in 8 appearances but if you can't get to him with the lead, he rots in the bullpen.     D 

ROBIN VENTURA............................................ telling a player to bunt with 2 strikes and not asking for a video replay in the freaking 9th inning. he has to have polaroids of JERRY REINSDORF with a donkey in tijuana to still have a job.  he just sucks.    F

finally, a question........................didn't ADAM DUNN retire after last season?  well, the white sox still have a tall left handed designated hitter NAMED ADAM with red hair and a red beard and a batting average UNDER .200! sound familiar??? maybe witness protection with a last name change to LaRoche?   think about it.  have you ever seen laroche & dunn in the same room at the same time?

ok, gotta run.  enjoy the playoffs and the weather this weekend.