IF I WERE KING......

Throughout the year, i constantly say "if i were king....." and then add what i would do in a certain situation. so here's some of the ones i jotted down, in no particular order. enjoy.

IF I WERE KING.......the 'cool' people who insist on taking photos with their cell phones at a concert or a play AFTER everyone has been warned?  security would rip it out of their hands, smash it on the floor with the heel of their boot and then immediately eject the violating party from the theatre.

there would be a sacred list of a dozen or so christmas carol classics like 'silent night' or 'silver bells' and no one would be allowed to prostitute the originals with a jazzed up version of the song.  i almost gagged when MICHAEL MACDONALD jazzed up the second half of 'white christmas' at a recent 'evening with' at the genesee. and while you're at it, also leave the star spangled banner alone.

sex crimes against children would result in chemical castration for the guilty party.

some chicago sports team would have to win a championship once every three or four years.

people who wait to get to the register before they start LOOKING for their money would be required to go to the back of the line just for being stupid.

IF I WERE KING, it would snow two inches the night of december 23rd which would give the plow guys time to clear the roads for holiday travel and still be home with their families for the holiday. not to mention we'd all have a white christmas. there would be no snow for new year's eve.

banks would start giving out full sized wall calendars like they did for years. every month a new photo of the corresponding season and room to write appointments on the individual days.  i have zero need for a  2"x 4" magnetic
 calendar that i can't read anyhow.

people who smoke would NOT be able to sue the tobacco companies when they get sick.  they know the dangers when they start. that's like an alcoholic suing seagrams when he gets cirrhosis of the liver.  no surprise. deal with it.  it was your choice. 

there would be an EIGHT TEAM college football playoff. four is just not enough. 

semi-trailer trucks would not be allowed on the expressway or tollways between 7-9 in the morning and 4-6 in the afternoon.

there would be no more thursday night football in the NFL.

gift cards would not be allowed as christmas presents. can you get any lazier than that? and while we're at it, only half of your christmas presents could be bought on-line.  the other half?  get off your dead butt and go to a store and actually see a potential gift before buying it.

athletes who use ANY illegal drugs would be banned for life.  first time. no warnings. no second chances. they know exactly what they're doing when they use them.

people under 18 and over 65 would receive free medical services.  no deductibles. free. including medicine.

christians would all have some type of lighted christmas decoration on their house or in the yard.

stores would be closed on holidays. all of them.

that's just some of them but i'm tired of typing.

HAVE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON!