Hear Ye, Hear Ye, court is now in session with the sometimes honorable DANIEL VEIT presiding with the guilty parties being HUNTER BIDEN, DONALD TRUMP and CHICAGO ALDERMAN ED BURKE.
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Mr. Biden, I hereby sentence you to 5 years in the Atlanta Federal Penitentiary but your sentence is suspended with the following conditions.
5 years supervised probation
90 days home confinement with ankle monitoring
Scheduled and non-scheduled drug testing with refusal counting as a failed test
Continued substance abuse counseling for 3 years
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Mr. Trump, I hereby sentence you to:
5 years supervised probation
90 days home confinement with ankle monitoring
Successful completion of anger management counseling
As a convicted felon, you must surrender your gun license to the state of New York
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And now let's move on to convicted Chicago alderman EDWARD BURKE, 80, who was convicted of racketeering, bribery and eleven other counts of malfeasance.
I hereby sentence you to 46 months in the federal facility in Minnesota, a minimum security facility for non-violent offenders. You cannot do all the things that you did wrong and take advantage of business people trying to make a living and expect to walk away scot free, even at the age of 80.
See how easy that was? Drop the gavel and let's move on!
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The city of Chicago is trying to make it safer with an 8 o'clock curfew for "yutes" under the age of 18 but Mayor Big Teeth (MBT) doesn't like the idea because "these children are just misunderstood and just need more parks to play in during the summer. Don't forget that when you build these parks, make sure you include storage lockers so these sweet kids have a place to store their weapons while playing on the swings.
He also doesn't like the idea that lobbyists wouldn't be able to contribute to his campaign chest so he had that proposal tabled for the time being. Hmmmmmmmmm
MBT has a shaved sides haircut and a scraggly ass beard but it was revealed this week that he has spent............wait for it...........THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on hair styling and skin care products..........IN ONE FREAKING YEAR! 30K!!!! And that man ain't winning no beauty contest any time soon.
So I did a little figuring with my manicure and haircut costs and it comes to a yearly expenditure of $630 which means it will take me FIFTY YEARS to spend that much money! And I dare say I'm a damn sight better looking than MBT. Incredible.
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On a lighter note, congratulations to FRANCISCA MORALES who turned 107 years old on June 6. A native of Puerto Rico, she moved to Chicago in 1970 and settled in Humboldt Park where she still resides. She was born during WW I and WOODROW WILSON was president of the country. Good for you, PAQUITA!
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Every time I read anything about SUPREME COURT JUSTICE CLARENCE THOMAS, I feel like I have to take a shower to wash off the slime. Just now reporting thousands of dollars in 'freebies' from Republican megadonor HARLAN CROW over the years after initially reporting ONE day of travel, ONE night in a hotel, etc. but now it comes out that Clarence and company had unlimited use of Crow's private jet and also his super yacht for years. Oops, I forgot about that stuff. Sorry.
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Again, I stomp my feet and ask again for age limits for the supreme court rather than lifetime appointments. Let's make it 75 which means that Thomas would be saying good-bye this year and Alito and his flying flags would be adios in 2026. New blood and fresh blood, I don't care what side of the political fence they're on.
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Things are warming up in the cesspool! The body count is in since Memorial Day weekend and in the last three weekends, the collective numbers are 107 shot and 22 homicides. And our night time weather has sucked until this week. But 90 degrees has arrived sooooooooooooooooooooooooo here we go!
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Happy to report the lightning bugs arrived Tuesday night, a sure sign the weather is heating up. Always nice to see those little critters dancing across the yard just after sunset.
NO CICADAS. FAKE NEWS! A SHAM!
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Ok, I'm tired of typing. Enjoy the warmer weather and HAPPY FATHER'S DAY but do not celebrate in Chicago. Stay safe! Adios
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