ALL SORTS OF STUFF

 Hear Ye, Hear Ye, court is now in session with the sometimes honorable DANIEL VEIT presiding with the guilty parties being HUNTER BIDEN, DONALD TRUMP and CHICAGO ALDERMAN ED BURKE.

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Mr. Biden, I hereby sentence you to 5 years in the Atlanta Federal Penitentiary but your sentence is suspended with the following conditions.

5 years supervised probation

90 days home confinement with ankle monitoring

Scheduled and non-scheduled drug testing with refusal counting as a failed test

Continued substance abuse counseling for 3 years

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Mr. Trump, I hereby sentence you to:

5 years supervised probation

90 days home confinement with ankle monitoring

Successful completion of anger management counseling

As a convicted felon, you must surrender your gun license to the state of New York

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And now let's move on to convicted Chicago alderman EDWARD BURKE, 80, who was convicted of racketeering, bribery and eleven other counts of malfeasance.

I hereby sentence you to 46 months in the federal facility in Minnesota, a minimum security facility for non-violent offenders. You cannot do all the things that you did wrong and take advantage of business people trying to make a living and expect to walk away scot free, even at the age of 80.

See how easy that was? Drop the gavel and let's move on!

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The city of Chicago is trying to make it safer with an 8 o'clock curfew for "yutes" under the age of 18 but Mayor Big Teeth (MBT) doesn't like the idea because "these children are just misunderstood and just need more parks to play in during the summer. Don't forget that when you build these parks, make sure you include storage lockers so these sweet kids have a place to store their weapons while playing on the swings.

 He also doesn't like the idea that lobbyists wouldn't be able to contribute to his campaign chest so he had that proposal tabled for the time being.  Hmmmmmmmmm

MBT has a shaved sides haircut and a scraggly ass beard but it was revealed this week that he has spent............wait for it...........THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on hair styling and skin care products..........IN ONE FREAKING YEAR!  30K!!!! And that man ain't winning no beauty contest any time soon.

So I did a little figuring with my manicure and haircut costs and it comes to a yearly expenditure of $630 which means it will take me FIFTY YEARS to spend that much money! And I dare say I'm a damn sight better looking than MBT. Incredible.

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On a lighter note, congratulations to FRANCISCA MORALES who turned 107 years old on June 6. A native of Puerto Rico, she moved to Chicago in 1970 and settled in Humboldt Park where she still resides. She was born during WW I and WOODROW WILSON was president of the country. Good for you, PAQUITA!

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Every time I read anything about SUPREME COURT JUSTICE CLARENCE THOMAS, I feel like I have to take a shower to wash off the slime. Just now reporting thousands of dollars in 'freebies' from Republican megadonor HARLAN CROW over the years after initially reporting ONE day of travel, ONE night in a hotel, etc. but now it comes out that Clarence and company had unlimited use of Crow's private jet and also his super yacht for years. Oops, I forgot about that stuff. Sorry.

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Again, I stomp my feet and ask again for age limits for the supreme court rather than lifetime appointments. Let's make it 75 which means that Thomas would be saying good-bye this year and Alito and his flying flags would be adios in 2026. New blood and fresh blood, I don't  care what side of the political fence they're on.

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Things are warming up in the cesspool! The body count is in since Memorial Day weekend and in the last three weekends, the collective numbers are 107 shot and 22 homicides. And our night time weather has sucked until this week. But 90 degrees has arrived sooooooooooooooooooooooooo here we go!

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Happy to report the lightning bugs arrived Tuesday night, a sure sign the weather is heating up. Always nice to see those little critters dancing across the yard just after sunset.

NO CICADAS. FAKE NEWS! A SHAM!

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Ok, I'm tired of typing. Enjoy the warmer weather and HAPPY FATHER'S DAY but do not celebrate in Chicago. Stay safe! Adios

            

Happy June to everyone! Odds & Ends time so here goes.

You come back from a trip and empty your suitcase. You check the secret pockets to make sure you got everything and didn't leave a pair of dirty socks to fester over the coming months. When you're satisfied that the suitcase is totally empty, you might even give it a final shake before you put it away. Pretty standard procedure for all of us.

Now please tell me how in hell that not one, not two, not three but SIX DIFFERENT AMERICANS arrived in Turks & Caicos with freaking loose ammunition in their suitcase and they all take the position that "I didn't know it was in there."    ???!!!??? WHAT???? and BRITTANY GRENIER didn't know that she had packed hashish oil for her trip to Russia. Right. She should have served the 9 years but instead we trade her lying ass for a dangerous arms dealer. So irritating.

 Now the penalty for bringing in ammunition to Turks & Caicos is 12 years in prison but the first guy was detained ONE HUNDRED DAYS before paying $6700 in fines for having TWENTY LOOSE ROUNDS. (He didn't see or hear that when packing??--BULLSHIT) and escorted to the next plane out of the country. The second EINSTEIN was fined $9,000 for 2 loose rounds, 3 weeks in jail and shipped out. Others had 2, 4 and 7 loose rounds rattling around and their day in court is pending. All must remain on the island until that day.

In closing my thought in the opening paragraph, when I get ready to head out for my next trip, the suitcase is lifted onto my bed. Why do I do that? So I can hear LOOSE AMMUNITION rolling around and remove it. Actually, it's so I can open the suitcase wide and see what's what and I GUARANTEE YOU that I would notice ANYTHING before I started packing.  Total B.S. on the Americans.

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As previously reported, there are zero CICADAS and also no LIGHTNING BUGS. No Y2K and no professional baseball team on the south side of the city. Now that last one hurt me a lot.

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Country star JELLY ROLL claims he's having trouble booking an international tour because he's a convicted felon. Before you start feeling sorry for Mr. Roll, be advised he's been arrested FORTY times starting at the age of 14 and eventually did time for armed robbery and served 7 years probation. 'Reap what ye sow' comes immediately to mind. 

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CLAUDIA SHIENBAUM, 61, became the first woman to be elected as president of Mexico and has a doctorate in energy engineering and is a strong advocate for clean energy and solar power, of which there is plenty available in her country. She is also the first person with a Jewish background to lead the overwhelmingly Catholic country and is also a strong supporter of women's rights and legalized abortion. But absolutely no mention of the drug cartels. She assumes the position September 30.

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Ah, the catholic church strikes again.  The Augustinian order has finally released their list of PEDOPHILE PRIESTS and there was just FIVE names on the list. As Mike Ditka likes to say, "Who you crappin?" 

Conveniently left off the list was RICHARD McGRATH who was caught looking at nude pictures of boys while sitting in the stands at a Providence high school wrestling match wrestling match and that discovery was followed by a former student's accusation of abuse and a settlement of  two million dollars but why isn't he on the list? 

"We presented the allegations to the INDEPENDENT REVIEW BOARD and they decided that the allegations were not established but the lawsuit was settled without any admission of guilt. What a scam. 

You know how I always tell you to be safe and stay out of Chicago? Well, keep your sons safe and enroll them in public schools and don't EVER leave them alone with a priest. 

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Speaking of the cesspool, thru May 31, there has been 204 murders which is a decrease of 16% but we've had a cool rainy spring and the maggots and thugs and other members don't get serious until the 80's & 90's roll around. 

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Yesterday was the 80th anniversary of D-DAY when the momentum of WW II changed dramatically thanks to those brave men and women. We should all take a moment and cover our heart and say a silent thank you.

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ENJOY THIS MAGNIFICENT WEATHER for the next week because before you know it, we'll be walking around with hand fans and looking for shade. Be safe and stay out of Chicago. Enjoy the beautiful weekend!