ALL SORTS OF STUFF

 So it's Halloween, a favorite time for both kids and adults but as usual, evil lurks and is disguised in many ways. SKITTLES, in the name of Christ, are in the area with the candy actually being FETANYL, a class I narcotic that is 50-100 times stronger than morphine but here's the key: when taken in large doses, it is fatal. And who among us has not tipped the entire box of skittles and taken numerous candies into our mouth? 7, 10, 12 skittles at a time.

 It was bad enough as a kid when you heard of some trick or treater finding a razor blade in an apple (no one ever actually knew the kid) so that eliminated fresh fruit forever and the perennial pop corn ball which was made by the old couple down the street but at least the danger was recognizable and everything went into the trash. But fentanyl disguised as candy is tragedy in a box. So when does trick or treating get outlawed?

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I was Googling the other day and this thought popped into my head. ALL information is available on the internet so why do we still have libraries? They normally have very nice bathrooms but I don't think that's enough to justify the expense.

And why do we have mail delivery on Fridays & Saturdays? What a waste of money for an organization that's drowning in debt.

Speaking of saving money, the Troy school district in Joliet has started a ten year plan to switch at least half of their 65 buses to electric with the first two in operation in November. The cost for a new electric bus is about $350,000 but the daily runs will cost pennies instead of dollars and obviously pay for itself in time with the current cost of diesel being $5.45 per gallon. Good for them.

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Can't wait for the end of political commercials. My ears are bleeding and the biggest problem is they can basically say anything they want without penalty. Both sides suck at this.

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Most popular new classes in area colleges? Anything to do with cannabis, which includes classes on the best way to cultivate your crop, tax laws, marketing, media and store location. Most classes fill up in a matter of hours. Ah, the world in which we live.

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Bridget & Tom are no more. I'm heartbroken.

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Super birds? The National Audubon Society just released travel information on the bay-breasted warbler, who weighs the same as 4 pennies but flies 4,000 miles TWICE A YEAR, first from Canada to South America for the winter and then returning in the spring. If you're interested in more information, google the society.

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Just like the rotary phone, the circus exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry is no more. The curator explained that circuses don't have the same appeal they once had and the space will be used for  brighter, more up to date and popular displays that are more in keeping with the times.

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LEE BOYD MALVO. Ring a bell? Well, he was the 17 year old kid who hid in the trunk of a car and shot and killed 10 people over a three week period in 2002 and was initially sentenced to death but his sentence was changed so he could apply for parole in just 20 years. Application made..........and denied, citing he is still a threat. More than one way to skin a cat.

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Russia is buying ammunition from North Korea. It's the same ammo that Russia sold to them ten years ago and now they're buying it back. Supply chain problems?? Hmmmmmmmm

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You GOTTA LOVE THIS WEATHER!! High 50's, 60's and even 70's as we enter November. We'll take it. It's only about 140 days until spring of 2023.

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OK, that's enough for now. Enjoy Halloween and stay safe. And make sure you stay out of the city.

 

A CHILDHOOD STORY OF CHASING A KILLER ELEPHANT

I heard a story about the zoo today and it jogged my memory so I thought I would share this story with you.

 When I was a kid and being held prisoner at a catholic grade school, the DVIT (darth vaders in training.... a.k.a. nuns)  saw fit to let us take a field trip to Brookfield Zoo, which in my day was quite a treat because it gave us a full day to be loose from the stares of the evil empire because the DVIT let us run free among the acreage without supervision, as long as we all gathered for noon lunch at concession area #3 and then made the 2:00 p.m. bus back to the jail.  

The big adventure of the day for me was to see ZIGGY THE KILLER ELEPHANT, the beast who had killed several dozen trainers, according to prison rumors and gossip. Now Ziggy had actually never killed anyone but he was 6 tons of ornery who had attacked ONE trainer in 1941 which resulted in him being chained in his stall for over 30 years and never allowed to go outside but I didn't know those facts and I desperately wanted to see this huge rogue with a bad attitude.

A handful of us made our way to the elephant house and made our way to Ziggy's stall which had very high walls which made it tough for a ten year old to see him but my class mate named Gary owed me a nickel from lunch and I told him we would be even-steven if I could get on his shoulders. Mission accomplished and debt cancelled for Gary.

But the damn elephant had turned his back to the visitors about five years earlier and all I could see was his huge rear end but(t) (see what I did there?) I wanted to look this homicidal maniac right in the eye. 

Never one to be unprepared, I ignored the "DO NOT FEED THE ELEPHANT" sign and reached into the pockets of my spring jacket and while wavering on Gary's shoulders pitched a peanut to Ziggy's front side and it landed just to the left of his trunk. Nothing. So I tried the other side and it hit him on the trunk. No response. 

Now Gary starts to shake and complain so I had no choice but to go for broke and throw my remaining 3 peanuts all at once and guess what? Ziggy actually noticed the peanuts and started feeding himself in that regal way that elephants do, trunk to mouth. I was delighted to the point I was floating on air but it was actually the zoo keeper who was lifting me off Gary's shoulders and taking me into custody.

"You stupid, kid? Can't you read? What group are you here with?" To save myself from the zoo electric chair, I immediately shifted into LIAR MODE and told him "The Lutheran church, sir" figuring he would let me go because the nuns had convinced all of us that all non-Catholics were future convicts and going to hell and I figured with that information, it would be useless to prosecute me because damnation was already in my future. WRONG. 

I get dragged to a small office and eventually I break under the hot lights and confess my affiliation and how does this mutt handle it? Does he let me walk away with a stern warning or a kick in the ass? OH NO............. OVER THE P.A. SYSTEM, he announces "would the supervisor of the St. John's group come to the security office?" 

I avoided the gas chamber but my sentence was....stay after school for a week and wash all the chalk boards and 4 Saturdays cleaning the school. Gary? He escaped like Butch Cassidy and I told the nun that the shoulders belonged to a Jewish kid that I just met that day. Her eyes rolled back into her head and despite her anger with me, she began praying for me for associating with a Jew..

Why am I telling you all this? While researching Ziggy, I found he was finally released to an outside enclosure in 1971 and died just a few years later. Where did they bury him? Nowhere! He is stored at the Field Museum IN PIECES in a closet because they don't have room to display him. It was bad enough that he was in solitary for 30 years but now he is forever stored in a dark closet. Doesn't seem fair, does it?

Hell, if they would ship him up to Grayslake in one piece, I'd put him under a canopy in my back yard. No charge.

OK, that's all I have for now but I hope you enjoyed my little adventure at the zoo, Stay safe and stay out of Chicago.

SPORTS OF ALL SORTS

 Can anyone explain the NFL to me?

Last night, the hapless and hopeless Bears go into New England and tear up the Patriots, who are a pretty fair defensive team. Is this an example of 'a blind squirrel finding a nut?' I think we'll find out next Sunday in Dallas where the Bears are 10 point underdogs.

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And now HAPPY TIME as the Green Bay Slackers dropped their third in a row and travel to Buffalo next Sunday where they will face off against one of the best teams in the league. I wonder who that smarmy, greasy haired, drug drinking, family hating, mirror loving 'I'm smarter than everyone in the room' jerk will blame if they go belly up again? No chance it will be him.

I wonder if the financial management team in Green Bay has learned a lesson about fiscal responsibility. They emptied the coffers to give the narcissist 40 million a year and had nothing left to give to the best receiver in the league so Davante Adams went to the Raiders and the deep threat left with him. P.S. It warmed my heart to see him face planted at the end of the game against the Commanders. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. And I didn't see that famous smirk at the end of the game and, as a matter of fact, haven't seen it all season.

A real winner: On at least three occasions, Tom Brady went to New England management and had them re-write his contract FOR A LESSER AMOUNT so they could go get the players they needed. And that's why Brady has a gazillion super bowl rings. Think jerk face will do that? We all know the answer to that. 

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The White Sox cancelled their winter fan convention but gave no definitive reasons as to why. Scuttlebutt has it that GM Rick Hahn & VP Kenny Williams don't want to take the heat for not improving the team over the last two years which they would at the Q & A session that happens every convention and I wouldn't blame the fans one bit for roasting their non-activity in the off season. Not to mention that they were THE BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL which also might generate a few questions....or a few hundred

And while the LaRussa fiasco was absolutely not their fault, you know that they don't want to be in a position to point fingers at the owner, who orchestrated that entire pathetic hiring.

The new manager should have a minimum of bench coach experience but if he doesn't speak Spanish, then HIS bench coach better be fluent in the language. And. oh yeah, it would be nice if the new guy knows the rules of baseball. My neck still hurts from shaking my head after so many of LaRussa's stupid managerial decisions.

Remember this name: OSCAR COLAS. He should join the club at some time during the 23 season. Google him. Played overseas and finally played last year in the states and tore up every level in which he played. And left handed.

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And now to the north side where they had better make some moves to generate some offense because the output this year was abysmal. The leading hitter was .281 and the leader in runs scored and rbi had the same number........72. Not exactly scaring the opposition. If you eliminate Nico Hoerner and Ian Happ, this team would have been far worse than 16 games under .500.

Patrick Wisdom is a waste of time for a rebuilding team because 25 home runs does not offset his .207 average, limited mobility and 31 years of age. They did the right thing in dumping Frank Schwindel but what's the difference between Frank the Tank and Wisdom? NONE. They need to dump him and get a prospect in trade and let a kid try third base.

Is David Ross the guy? Managing a bad team is much easier than a contending one. If he can handle all the losses over the next three years, then we'll see how he does under pressure.

Finally, at least the Cubs are having a fan convention and in keeping with the cub tradition of screwing their fans...... two people can have a room for two nights and a pass for two days for the low, low price of  $836.00. Ah, Chicago in January. Add food and drink at downtown prices and you're at at least $1200.00 for the weekend.

Now I want you to listen to me. You know that Ricketts, et al. are going to lie thru their teeth about free agents, making the club better and how poor they are SOOOOOOO take the 1200 and go buy a very nice big screen tv and the Cubs world series video and then take your significant other to either Gibson's or Perrys via limo and have a spectacular meal and get dropped off safely at your front door AND YOU'LL STILL HAVE A COUPLE HUNDRED IN YOUR POCKET to bet on the super bowl.

Don't give that prick any more money until he improves the team. He's been sucking you dry since 2016 and you can make it stop just like you did last year when many fans were disguised as empty seats from July on. Have a night you'll remember for a long time and let Ricketts spend some of his Ameritrade money instead of yours.

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And now please explain the Chicago Bulls to me. All summer long, all I heard was how healthy Zack LaVine was and his knee was perfect but then he bails out of their first two games with the same sore knee and is now limited with regards to practicing. WTF?? 

Add that to the Lonzo Ball mystery knee and the Bullies are back to being the same old team. DeRozan scores a million but has no help and the Bulls win close early in the season until he gets worn down and then they are similar to the Titanic. I feel sorry for coach Billy Donovan who never knows player availability until he gets to the stadium.

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Now the Blackhawks. If you're totally rebuilding and you've been very open about it, why haven't you traded Patrick Kane & Jonathan Toews??? They are both 31 and Kane will bring more in trade but pick up the phone now before they get hurt.

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Dusty Baker is still an idiot. Not getting off his dead ass in 2003 to calm his rookie pitcher after the Steve Bartman incident convinced me he is a moron. Plus he wears rubber gloves because of the virus but doesn't wear a mask and still wears wristbands and chews that idiotic toothpick. You can't have it both ways, stupid.

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Can the Phillies upset the cheating Astros? Probably not but it would be sweet. The Astros are almost 2-1 to win the series and they have game 7 at home.    

MLB was playing with fire by not starting the series today but the weather in Philadelphia is going to get BETTER between now and next Monday. High 60's during the day and mid-50's at night. PLAY BALL!                                                               

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Much more to write about but I'm going to wait until the weekend games have been played.

Stay safe and stay out of Chicago. And yes, we need the rain.

 

A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING

 An addition to the list of 5 people I want to punch in the face: Republican gubernatorial candidate DARREN BAILEY. Sometimes you just meet people who need a punch in the face. The commercial where he's asked about whether he would allow abortion for victims of rape and incest and he answers in that low brow twang, "as of right now, I'd say noooo." Ok, Mr. Bailey, your answer indicates that there is some wiggle room for the future and we both know that's a lie. Your answer should have been 'hell NO!!'  Liar, plain & simple. And that's the reason no one will contribute to his campaign. Two faced prick.  My election bet in this particular race is that Pritzker will win by more than 7%. I made that bet 4 months ago and I know I'm right.

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And speaking of wagers, I took a large position on this one: donald trump WILL NOT be the republican candidate for president and I made those bets back in January of 2021 after collecting major money from the trumpty-dumptys . Nothing to lose, everything to gain.

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Good for JOE BIDEN for issuing pardons to people convicted of simple possession of marijuana. Now if the individual states would just follow suit.

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Chicago is attacking the crime problem! With little kids dying in the streets, car jackings up, robberies elevated, metra crimes out of control up and many neighborhoods still like the wild, wild west, the answer is,,,,,,,,,,,,,WRITE MORE PARKING TICKETS! Seriously, citations are up 25%  but drive-by shootings are up. And you wonder why I tell you to avoid Chicago like the plague? And one more thing: you don't want your family members to get a parking ticket while they're claiming your body at the morgue. No bueno, amigos.

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Just got back from upstate New York and while it wasn't the purpose of our visit, the fall colors are SPECTACULAR so if you like the changing leaves, the locals told me to book the 2nd week of October for maximum viewing pleasure. I have to admit that it was pretty cool and the roads are very hilly so you get excellent panoramic views.

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I don't know how they get the numbers but apparently Chicago is ranked 23rd in the nation in using cuss words with a daily average of 17 while COLUMBUS, OHIO took the crown with 36 nasty words per day. In typical Chicago fashion, many city dwellers were offended that Chicago finished that low. 😖😠 

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Just a reminder that early voting is open if you like doing the in-person thing. I chose to use the mail-in ballot which, by the way, is postage free. Sign up once and they mail you ballots forever unless you cancel.

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I love creative commercials and the Geico ad where the guy goes up to the attic of his new house and pulls the string to the light bulb and finds all sorts of mannequins in various stages of disrepair and the lizard says "Well, enjoy your new home" and the guy responds by slowing backing away saying "Nope. No thank you." The look on his face is classic.

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DUH award of the week goes to the Maywood man who walked into the lobby of a west side police station with a BB gun in a plastic bag with just the barrel sticking out. When he raised the weapon, the officers responded as trained and he was shot in the arm. The moron told the bond court that he was just trying to get the officer's attention, Well, he got it.

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If you like shooting stars/meteors and don't mind missing a little sleep, then Friday morning starting around 3 a.m., 15-20 meteors per hour will be in the night sky. The moon will be just a sliver so these bits of Halley's Comet should be very visible. Enjoy!

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DANGER! DANGER! A New York City man was arrested for smuggling three BURMESE PYTHONS in his pants as he crossed the border from Canada into the United States. I'm still trying to figure this out because this type of python is one of the world's largest snakes and is listed as being 'extremely injurious to human beings' and this Einstein had three dancing by his pee-pee. To quote the guy in the attic commercial, "Nope. No thank you." 

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SIGN OF THE TIMES: Starting October 1, GOODWILL now offers over 100,000 donated items online and they hope to have that number over one million in a couple of years. I wonder if that will mean the eventual end of the brick & mortar stores?

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OK, it's time for lunch. ENJOY THIS WEEKEND WITH FORECAST TEMPS IN THE 70'S Friday thru Monday! I'll take it even if there 5 degrees off. Stay safe and out of the city.

SPORTS OF ALL SORTS

It's been awhile so this may take two editions to empty my desk so let's start with baseball. HOLY CRAPOLA, BATMAN! What a two weeks of playoff baseball that started with the highly rated NEW YORK METS heading south for the winter, losing in 3 to a revitalized PHILADELPHIA team, who then went on to eliminate the defending world champion ATLANTA BRAVES in 4 games, despite the Braves winning 101 regular season games.

Win over 100 games in the regular season? Who cares? Want the recipe for "heading home for the winter" chili? Start with one cup of Atlanta followed by a teaspoon of NEW YORK MET and then follow that with a heavy dose of LOS ANGELES DODGER and a sprinkling of division winning CARDINALS but stir quickly because they disappear quickly in October. Other than the division winning Cardinals. they all won over 100 games.

So we're left with the cheating HOUSTON ASTROS, SAN DIEGO PADRES, the PHILLIES and the winner of tonight's game between the NEW YORK YANKEES and the CLEVELAND INDIANS. No matter what, we'll have a new world champ and that's always good for the sport.

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JOSE ABREU to the CUBS? I hear rumblings......the WHITE SOX have far too many young players that can play 1st base and Abreu's numbers are down, especially his power numbers but those would definitely climb playing at Wrigley. Jose is 35 or 38 or 42, depending on who you talk to at the Havana city hall but the cubs would also be buying his leadership which is sorely needed in their clubhouse. Think about it..........

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DON'T FORGET THE NEW CHANGES IN BASEBALL FOR NEXT YEAR!! Bigger bases, only 2 throws over the first base by the pitcher, the defensive shift/overload goes bye-bye, no stepping out of the box unless you've swung at the prior pitch and free beer at the ball parks! (just wanted to see if you were reading closely)

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I cannot tell you how happy I am that TONY LARUSSA is adios. Hiring a manager who has been out of the game for ten years was simply STUPID and JERRY REINSDORF should be giving serious thought to handing over the reins of the organization to someone much younger who is not hung up on blind loyalty. And as far as a new manager....PLEASE.....anyone but JOEY GASBAG aka joe maddon. We don't need dancing monkeys on the south side or nerd night or hippie buses or any of that other crap he brings with him. PUH-LEEZE no joey gasbag.

If I was the GM.......... ABREU, MICHAEL KOPECH & YASMANI GRANDAHL would be heading to new locations. 

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Remember the outrage from cub fans when they traded 'the core' last July? JAVY BAEZ hit .238 with half the home runs he hit last year. KRIS BRYANT signed a monster contract with the COLORADO ROCKIES and then was injured most of the year.....hit .306 in just 62 games and 5 home runs but NOT 1 HOME RUN IN COLORADO. Your mom could hit one out in that thin air. 

CRAIG KIMBREL SUCKED with the WHITE SOX and then sucked so bad with the DODGERS that they left him off the post season roster. This bum is 34 and hasn't been an elite pitcher the last 4 years. Even ANTHONY RIZZO is struggling by hitting .224 with the YANKEES but the short right field fence got him 32 dingers and he's affordable at 16 million so the yankees may keep him around.

The Cubs made the absolutely correct decision by taking out the trash before they lost all value on the trade market.

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Ok, that's it for now. more to come.