a solid definition

i was contacted by several people the other day asking for a solid definition of CUBPUD, my new word that i hope in due time will be accepted into the english language. i thought long & hard, determined to issue a definition that would leave nothing to the imagination when suddenly, as if scripted from the heavens, GRANT DePORTER was dropped into my lap.

to those of you who aren't familiar with this smarmy north sider, deporter was born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth and was educated thru private chicago schools and eventually received an ivy league degree at cornell university. i can guarantee you he lost every school yard fight when he wasn't hiding behind his nanny and belonged to the audio-visual club and was president of the stamp collectors.

he wears cub crap all the time and is the boss at harry caray's restaurant (where else?) but he keeps himself in the media spotlight with his free spending habits in an effort to 'break the curse.' (oh grant, have you ever thought about the fact that the cubs just suck?)

in 2004, he bought the famous STEVE BARTMAN (my hero) ball for $113,000.00 and then blew it up. that's right. KA-BOOM. 113k pissed away. did i already mention the silver spoon?  how'd that work out with ending the curse?

i think you're getting the picture of a real CUBPUD. just a reminder for all cubpuds: steve bartman was well within his right to try and catch the foul ball because it WASN'T in the field of play). deal with it.

BUT NOW IT GETS BETTER. einstein deporter has come up with a theory that in the 1945 world series, the detroit tigers used 'dead' baseballs to offset the power of the north siders in game 7 and that's why they lost the series. arrrrgh.

hey moron, listen closely.  in 1945, they played the last 4 games IN CHICAGO!  the hometeam was responsible for supplying the baseballs. did the cubs' own people switch the baseballs?

FYI--the 'dead' baseballs weren't produced after 1931. did the tigers really sit on dozens of dead baseballs for fourteen years waiting for the opportunity to short circuit the cubs? if you even think that's a plausible theory, you never again have to wonder what a cubpud looks like. just glance in the mirror.

 DO YOU SEE WHY BASEBALL FANS HATE CUBPUDS? rather than just admitting your players and organization blow big time and gagged away 3 of 4 games in wrigley to lose the 1945 series, (sound familiar?) you submit ridiculous conspiracy theories that most people find laughable.

there is absolutely no evidence save for a cat scan image of a ball that einstein bought for another eight grand that supposedly was the last out in 1945 and it's different than a ball from 2005.  no kidding. SIXTY YEARS have passed and who knows where or how that ball was stored and under what conditions? or if little grant was scammed by the seller? by the way, the tigers lost the world series in BOTH 1934 and 1940. guess they forgot the dead baseballs at home.


grant, you are the poster boy for CUBPUDS all over the world.