NOTHING but cubs

local emergency rooms were apparently flooded sunday night by cub fans being treated for laryngitis after having white sox shoved down their throats for three days. how do i know this? because on monday, none of the cub fans at my usual haunts wanted to talk about ANYTHING related to the cubs. the silence over the next three years will be a welcome relief from the constant "now it's our turn" sense of entitlement normally droned over and over and over ad nauseum from april thru august every year until the usual fadeout.  now it doesn't even get a kickstart. the silence is beautiful.

did you notice all the empty seats at piss park over the weekend? when's the last time you saw an empty seat on the north side for a cubs/sox tilt? sox fans were the majority, by far, ALL WEEKEND and it's obvious that cub fans have already gone into hiding, disappearing into the clark & addison sewers. my buddy at the local jewel-osco says all the cubs crap is just collecting dust and they had already reduced their order 75% over the last two years. how low can it go? i bet we'll find out.

the cubs actually scared me for a while when they played close to .500 for about three weeks but now they are back on track for a HUNDRED LOSSES and as of today, the magic number is 73 and here's where it gets real exciting. if they play at their current clip, with four games left in the season, they'll be 60-98 and will need to win three of their last four to avoid a hundred losses. and the last three are at home. i can hear the north side wailing now. GUARANTEE i will be there wearing my astros hat.   october baseball. yessssssssssssssssssssssss!
i personally visited urine field last thursday wearing my phillies hat and, having gone to over a thousand games in  my life, i'm pretty good at the attendance game. when they announced the crowd at 38,000 and change, i almost dropped my seven dollar bison burger! TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND MAX was the attendance but that also tells another story.  i'm sure they sold 38,000 which means 13,000 fans are not even bothering to show up and it's only mid-may. and it's going to get worse. i would love it if they published the actual turnstile count.

local dealer told me the cost of cocaine is down about 20% in wrigleyville because of the no-shows.  see? everybody suffers when the cubs lose.

KERRY WOOD is done pitching.  a lot of people (cub fans included) think he stopped pitching two years ago. say that loudly in your local bar and i doubt if an argument will ensue because most cub 'fans' will be watching oprah reruns instead of the game.

my second favorite memory of wood is when he was pitching relief for cleveland and served up two lollipops in the late innings to his buddies on the cubs and then wouldn't talk to the media after the game because he was having a beer with his ex-teammates. oh yeah, kerry, we found out.

but my FAVORITE memory of kerry was october 15, 2003, when he gagged up in game 7 of the NLCS and stopped that north side juggernaut from going to the world series.  staked to a 5-3 lead after four innings, wood promptly gave up 4 runs in the next 1 2/3 innings and personally derailed the cubs express. 7 runs on 7 hits with 4 walks on the biggest night of his career but he did get to use the express lane into the cubs' hall of choke.

the ONLY thing that saved him being run out of town on a rail was the cubs fans obsession with the beloved STEVE BARTMAN.  i know where steve works and each year he gets a holiday card from me thanking him for his contribution to cubs lore. he holds a special place in my heart.

that's it for now.  next time, we'll deal with real sports teams.