the memorial weekend update

guy in wrigleyville went out of business over the weekend. seems he opened a store this spring that sold daily 'W' flags and after two months had only sold a dozen or so.

ok, enough frivolity. on to sports as we approach the 1/3 mark of the baseball season, the nfl is having team activities, the nba is down to the semi-finals and hockey starts their big dance this week so let's hand out some awards.

NICK FAIRLEY of the detroit lions wins the "poke the commissioner in the chest" award after being arrested in april for possession of marijuana and then again in may for DUI, fleeing the police, reckless driving and possession of alcohol. upon being booked, he stated, "it's ok, i've got lots of money to take care of this and make it all go away."  i'm thinking nfl commissioner roger goodell disagrees.

the current edition of the CHICAGO CUBS is the worst i have seen in my lifetime and i have seen some real bad ones.  on pace to lose 108 games, they have maybe 5 players on the current roster that should be playing in the big leagues and the rest is all garbage.

even diehard cub fans, who have very limited knowledge of the game, realize how much they suck and have turned away in droves. at a party over the weekend, i listened to three cub fans talk for maybe two minutes about how bad they are and that they don't waste their time watching or listening anymore. i was about to jump into the conversation when one said 'the cubs never should have traded zambrano.' i had to walk away.

look at the bright side. all the cub crap will be half price very soon to clear out store space for the bears stuff.

how often do you think theo epstein pounds his head on his desk?

hey, the BEARS are 9 point favorites for opening day! just saying.

biggest disappointments of the year in baseball?  DETROIT in the american league & MILWAUKEE in the national league.

biggest surprises? the LOS ANGELES DODGERS in the NL & the CHICAGO WHITE SOX in the AL. i picked the sox for last because there was no way that dunn, rios AND peavy were going to rebound. i've never been so happy to be so wrong. adam dunn is a lock for COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR.

PAUL KONERKO is slamming his way to the door of the hall of fame. book it.

the NHL has a ratings nightmare on their hands this year for the stanley cup finals. a couple of years ago, they had a blockbuster with chicago & philadelphia and set all kinds of ratings records BUT los angeles & new jersey? ouch. a fourth place team vs. a third place team. games in L.A. will start at 5 p.m. their time when people are stuck on the freeways coming home from work.  good luck.

the MIAMI HEAT will lose to the western represenatives in the NBA finals. both san antonion & oklahoma city have too much depth and speed.

hey, my great nephew ZAC DEUTSCHER got his first professional hit on sunday for the RIVER CITY RASCALS in the frontier league and followed that up with a double and had a 2-4 night. his team is in first place and have a showdown coming in SCHAUMBURG the second weekend in june.

ok, i'm done.  bye for now.

NOTHING but cubs

local emergency rooms were apparently flooded sunday night by cub fans being treated for laryngitis after having white sox shoved down their throats for three days. how do i know this? because on monday, none of the cub fans at my usual haunts wanted to talk about ANYTHING related to the cubs. the silence over the next three years will be a welcome relief from the constant "now it's our turn" sense of entitlement normally droned over and over and over ad nauseum from april thru august every year until the usual fadeout.  now it doesn't even get a kickstart. the silence is beautiful.

did you notice all the empty seats at piss park over the weekend? when's the last time you saw an empty seat on the north side for a cubs/sox tilt? sox fans were the majority, by far, ALL WEEKEND and it's obvious that cub fans have already gone into hiding, disappearing into the clark & addison sewers. my buddy at the local jewel-osco says all the cubs crap is just collecting dust and they had already reduced their order 75% over the last two years. how low can it go? i bet we'll find out.

the cubs actually scared me for a while when they played close to .500 for about three weeks but now they are back on track for a HUNDRED LOSSES and as of today, the magic number is 73 and here's where it gets real exciting. if they play at their current clip, with four games left in the season, they'll be 60-98 and will need to win three of their last four to avoid a hundred losses. and the last three are at home. i can hear the north side wailing now. GUARANTEE i will be there wearing my astros hat.   october baseball. yessssssssssssssssssssssss!
i personally visited urine field last thursday wearing my phillies hat and, having gone to over a thousand games in  my life, i'm pretty good at the attendance game. when they announced the crowd at 38,000 and change, i almost dropped my seven dollar bison burger! TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND MAX was the attendance but that also tells another story.  i'm sure they sold 38,000 which means 13,000 fans are not even bothering to show up and it's only mid-may. and it's going to get worse. i would love it if they published the actual turnstile count.

local dealer told me the cost of cocaine is down about 20% in wrigleyville because of the no-shows.  see? everybody suffers when the cubs lose.

KERRY WOOD is done pitching.  a lot of people (cub fans included) think he stopped pitching two years ago. say that loudly in your local bar and i doubt if an argument will ensue because most cub 'fans' will be watching oprah reruns instead of the game.

my second favorite memory of wood is when he was pitching relief for cleveland and served up two lollipops in the late innings to his buddies on the cubs and then wouldn't talk to the media after the game because he was having a beer with his ex-teammates. oh yeah, kerry, we found out.

but my FAVORITE memory of kerry was october 15, 2003, when he gagged up in game 7 of the NLCS and stopped that north side juggernaut from going to the world series.  staked to a 5-3 lead after four innings, wood promptly gave up 4 runs in the next 1 2/3 innings and personally derailed the cubs express. 7 runs on 7 hits with 4 walks on the biggest night of his career but he did get to use the express lane into the cubs' hall of choke.

the ONLY thing that saved him being run out of town on a rail was the cubs fans obsession with the beloved STEVE BARTMAN.  i know where steve works and each year he gets a holiday card from me thanking him for his contribution to cubs lore. he holds a special place in my heart.

that's it for now.  next time, we'll deal with real sports teams.

FOR WOMEN ONLY

saw 'jersey boys' again over the weekend and it was even better the second time around. they change the troupe approximately every nine months to renew the energy and that plan definitely works. the show is at the bank of america theatre in chicgo which is a spectacular venue for plays & musicals.  it ends june 3rd and even if you can't get there this time, make plans to see it when it re-visits chicago.  27 songs from frankie valli & the four seasons make the 2 1/2 hours fly by. a definite 'yes.'

the chicago police department had an impossible task over the weekend but pulled it off with a minimum of complaints. i was amused by the whining done by the 'black bloc' anarchists who physically pushed into the police line and were met with appropriate resistance by the boys in blue. "i can't believe they hit me with their night sticks. all we wanted to do was make a point" said one of the bleeding protesters.  i think the cops were also making a point.

just saw a photo of MILEY CYRUS at some awards show. she ain't hannah montana no mo'. wow.

sad to see robin gibb lose his battle to cancer.  he was the long haired one with the overbite who held his ear closed while singing his high pitched tenor. the BEE GEES captivated music thru the 70's & 80's and the group was only outsold by ELVIS, THE BEATLES, MICHAEL JACKSON, GARTH BROOKS & PAUL McCARTNEY as a solo.  not bad company.

CASEY ANTHONY, the most despised female in america, has been located by supoena servers in florida. anthony, acquitted of murdering her daughter last year, anthony is being sued for defamation of character against ZENAIDA GONZALEZ, who anthony accused of killing her daughter while babysitting her. a couple of small problems for ms. anthony.......she had never met gonzalez and gonzalez doesn't babysit. plus anthony's attorneys admitted under oath that anthony lied about the entire episode.  sounds like a good case to me.

just curious on this one. MELISSA BOWERMAN, 41, is married to JON BOWERMAN, 73, who was the co-founder of NIKE. despite their age difference, both volunteer as track coaches at an oregon high school. good so far.  melissa decided to escort a 17 year old boy to the prom last week and despite dancing three slow songs, "we're just friends" was her response. after investigating, the high school principal has asked melissa to 'un-volunteer.'  no kidding.

bye until next time.

airlines have thought of a new way to screw us. depending on the airline, we pay extra for luggage and we pay extra for aisle seats. now you're going to pay for the privilege of sitting with your travel companion.  that's right, if you want to sit with your husband at the time of the booking, it will cost you an extra twenty-five bucks. friendly skies this.

and finally, the female wrapup:  HILLARY CLINTON to run again in 2016? look for her to resign as secretary of state after november to circle the wagons.  if MITT ROMNEY has half a brain, CONDOLEEZZA RICE will be his pick for vice-president.  intelligent, well spoken and experienced in politics, she would bring or at least split the female vote in november and in what looks to be a very tight race, that could be the difference. SARAH PALIN? still  trying to remember the names of the three newspapers that she reads 'every day.'