CUB FANS CAN NOW RELAX

every season cub fans work very hard at compiling a strong list of excuses as to why the ball club once again failed to be successful but this year the list has pretty much written itself and can now be published.

why print it so early? because it will give the north siders time to memorize it and smoothly slip them into conversation rather than turning all red faced and grabbing a wrinkled piece of paper from their back pocket and blurting out something like "oh yeah??? well, our players weren't used to the new field sod this year" which was an actual one that i heard last december while discussing all the playoff errors. so here it is:

TOP REASONS FOR 2009 CUBS FAILURE

(* denotes the excuse was used in previous years)

15) lou doesn't understand how to use the bullpen *

14) i warned you about hoffpauir's defense

13) lee's back & neck problems cost us on offense and defense

12) signing bradley was bad for the clubhouse

11) soto's shoulder was hurt all year

10) owner's money problem was a distraction to the players *

9) worst in-game manager in the game today *

8) jeff samardjia let us down

7) derrek lee still not recovered from broken wrist *

6) trading mark derosa was a mistake and we need him in the clubhouse

5) kerry wood is a warrior and we need him in the clubhouse *

4) joey gathright never got a chance

3) ryan freel says he has a voice in his head and named 'it' farney

2) aramis never got back on track after his injury *

1) i told you Z would get hurt screwing around on offense *

now don't despair if your favorite excuse didn't make the top fifteen because this list can be updated at any time and it's just a matter of time before ALL THE EXCUSES are available for memory commitment. i guarantee the list will double in size before very long.