HOLIDAY MADNESS!

WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! No, you silly goose, it's not the Cubs or the White Sox because they're both in last place and it's not the Bulls or the Blackhawks because this is their off season so let's move to a different area.

CHICAGO IS NUMBER ONE with more shootings and homicides over the holiday weekend than any other city in the entire United States!! How about that?!?! ONE HUNDRED AND NINE SHOOTINGS!! C'mon, admit it, that's a tremendous amount of perforated human flesh in just a matter of a few days and NINETEEN of those were shipped to Boot Hill. 

The jungles on the west and south sides erupted, resulting in 96% of the shootings as the ghetto rats tried out all their new fire power.....and it wasn't even hot this weekend!

Now remember that Mayor Big Teeth (MBT) has constantly stated 'that we don't need more enforcement, we just need more programs for the inner city youth.' WRONG.

Back to basics......MBT says it's a community problem and he's partially correct but to be more specific, it's a BLACK COMMUNITY PROBLEM. Nobody can deny it and there's no argument. In the ghetto neighborhoods, the criminals that you deal with have a dropout rate of OVER 80% and they constantly fall back on the old adage of 'survival of the fittest' which today means whoever can shoot fastest and straightest...wins. Simple as that. 

And NOW, after the weekend carnage, the mayor wants people arrested and held accountable. WHAT?? No more holding hands and singing Kumbaya?

The problem CAN'T be fixed. And it doesn't matter if you provide summer jobs, after school basketball programs, reparations or more teachers and more police because the ghetto rats only know one way of living and that's drugs, guns and violence resulting in either death or long terms spent in prison and trust me, if they are fortunate enough to get paroled early, they're not coming out with a master's degree in English Literature or any other formal education because you have to be able to read and write to advance. 

PLEASE stay out of Chicago and keep your family & friends safe.

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Only in Chicago......How the hell does a casino deal get screwed up? Bally's may be bailing out of a permanent casino site because of financial problems. Incredible.  And it doesn't help that MBT doesn't like the idea even though it would provide much needed tax money for the city. Probably too busy working on his facials and manicures.

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BIG JOE says 'He ain't going anywhere' and will stay in the presidential race, even after the Thursday Night Massacre two weeks ago. I admire his spirit but why do I keep thinking of the Titanic every time I see his face?

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RIP to actor DONALD SUTHERLAND who passed several weeks ago at the age of 89. Sutherland had over 200 credited roles in both tv and movies, with featured roles in ANIMAL HOUSE, MASH, KLUTE, THE DIRTY DOZEN and the HUNGER GAMES.

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Congratulations to Chicagoan Patrick Bertoletti who won the annual NATHAN'S HOT DOG EATING CONTEST on the 4th of July in Coney Island by downing 58 dogs and buns in just 10 minutes. He also has several other records like 275 jalapenos in 8 minutes, 10.6 pounds of corned beef in 10 minutes and 21 pounds of grits in 10  minutes. YIKES!

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You still have a chance to see the best local fireworks show this coming Sunday night at Peterson Park in Mchenry. They have a carnival all day long and end it with the big show which can be viewed for free from the LARGE parking lot which is actually a grass field. Bring a cooler and lawn chairs and relax after the show for about 45 minutes while they empty out.

It's route 120 to route 31 and north about 1/2 mile and then west on McCollum Lake Rd. for another 1/2 mile to Petersen Park. You won't be disappointed.

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Just a reminder that the opening ceremonies for the Summer Olympics start Friday, July 26 and run thru August 11.

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I'm a little confused. I totally understand commercials inviting you to visit Las Vegas, New York, Italy, Chicago, New Orleans, London and other famous places but ...NEBRASKA? Now I'm sure there are plenty of friendly farmers willing to show off their corn crop and large haystacks along with a massive amount of soybeans but for a vacation? I have seen endless commercials and included with this past Sunday's Tribune was a catalog that weighed about 3 pounds and it was all Nebraska from front to back. Go figure.

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TSA has seized just over 3,000 weapons at national airports in the first 6 months of the year and 38 of those were discovered at O'Hare and 27 at Midway. Will people never learn?

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Think hacking only happens to mega corporations? Today I went for a post-op exam at Illinois Bone & Joint and their computers had been frozen from Eastern Europe and the hackers were demanding ransom to release the freeze. I don't know the outcome but that's a little scary to me.

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Finally, ZERO CICADAS set foot or wing upon my property. Fake news.

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That's it for now. Super hot weather returns later in the week so stay hydrated and better yet, stay inside. And stay out of Chicago. Later, dude.

ALL SORTS OF STUFF

 Hear Ye, Hear Ye, court is now in session with the sometimes honorable DANIEL VEIT presiding with the guilty parties being HUNTER BIDEN, DONALD TRUMP and CHICAGO ALDERMAN ED BURKE.

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Mr. Biden, I hereby sentence you to 5 years in the Atlanta Federal Penitentiary but your sentence is suspended with the following conditions.

5 years supervised probation

90 days home confinement with ankle monitoring

Scheduled and non-scheduled drug testing with refusal counting as a failed test

Continued substance abuse counseling for 3 years

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Mr. Trump, I hereby sentence you to:

5 years supervised probation

90 days home confinement with ankle monitoring

Successful completion of anger management counseling

As a convicted felon, you must surrender your gun license to the state of New York

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And now let's move on to convicted Chicago alderman EDWARD BURKE, 80, who was convicted of racketeering, bribery and eleven other counts of malfeasance.

I hereby sentence you to 46 months in the federal facility in Minnesota, a minimum security facility for non-violent offenders. You cannot do all the things that you did wrong and take advantage of business people trying to make a living and expect to walk away scot free, even at the age of 80.

See how easy that was? Drop the gavel and let's move on!

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The city of Chicago is trying to make it safer with an 8 o'clock curfew for "yutes" under the age of 18 but Mayor Big Teeth (MBT) doesn't like the idea because "these children are just misunderstood and just need more parks to play in during the summer. Don't forget that when you build these parks, make sure you include storage lockers so these sweet kids have a place to store their weapons while playing on the swings.

 He also doesn't like the idea that lobbyists wouldn't be able to contribute to his campaign chest so he had that proposal tabled for the time being.  Hmmmmmmmmm

MBT has a shaved sides haircut and a scraggly ass beard but it was revealed this week that he has spent............wait for it...........THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on hair styling and skin care products..........IN ONE FREAKING YEAR!  30K!!!! And that man ain't winning no beauty contest any time soon.

So I did a little figuring with my manicure and haircut costs and it comes to a yearly expenditure of $630 which means it will take me FIFTY YEARS to spend that much money! And I dare say I'm a damn sight better looking than MBT. Incredible.

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On a lighter note, congratulations to FRANCISCA MORALES who turned 107 years old on June 6. A native of Puerto Rico, she moved to Chicago in 1970 and settled in Humboldt Park where she still resides. She was born during WW I and WOODROW WILSON was president of the country. Good for you, PAQUITA!

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Every time I read anything about SUPREME COURT JUSTICE CLARENCE THOMAS, I feel like I have to take a shower to wash off the slime. Just now reporting thousands of dollars in 'freebies' from Republican megadonor HARLAN CROW over the years after initially reporting ONE day of travel, ONE night in a hotel, etc. but now it comes out that Clarence and company had unlimited use of Crow's private jet and also his super yacht for years. Oops, I forgot about that stuff. Sorry.

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Again, I stomp my feet and ask again for age limits for the supreme court rather than lifetime appointments. Let's make it 75 which means that Thomas would be saying good-bye this year and Alito and his flying flags would be adios in 2026. New blood and fresh blood, I don't  care what side of the political fence they're on.

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Things are warming up in the cesspool! The body count is in since Memorial Day weekend and in the last three weekends, the collective numbers are 107 shot and 22 homicides. And our night time weather has sucked until this week. But 90 degrees has arrived sooooooooooooooooooooooooo here we go!

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Happy to report the lightning bugs arrived Tuesday night, a sure sign the weather is heating up. Always nice to see those little critters dancing across the yard just after sunset.

NO CICADAS. FAKE NEWS! A SHAM!

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Ok, I'm tired of typing. Enjoy the warmer weather and HAPPY FATHER'S DAY but do not celebrate in Chicago. Stay safe! Adios

            

Happy June to everyone! Odds & Ends time so here goes.

You come back from a trip and empty your suitcase. You check the secret pockets to make sure you got everything and didn't leave a pair of dirty socks to fester over the coming months. When you're satisfied that the suitcase is totally empty, you might even give it a final shake before you put it away. Pretty standard procedure for all of us.

Now please tell me how in hell that not one, not two, not three but SIX DIFFERENT AMERICANS arrived in Turks & Caicos with freaking loose ammunition in their suitcase and they all take the position that "I didn't know it was in there."    ???!!!??? WHAT???? and BRITTANY GRENIER didn't know that she had packed hashish oil for her trip to Russia. Right. She should have served the 9 years but instead we trade her lying ass for a dangerous arms dealer. So irritating.

 Now the penalty for bringing in ammunition to Turks & Caicos is 12 years in prison but the first guy was detained ONE HUNDRED DAYS before paying $6700 in fines for having TWENTY LOOSE ROUNDS. (He didn't see or hear that when packing??--BULLSHIT) and escorted to the next plane out of the country. The second EINSTEIN was fined $9,000 for 2 loose rounds, 3 weeks in jail and shipped out. Others had 2, 4 and 7 loose rounds rattling around and their day in court is pending. All must remain on the island until that day.

In closing my thought in the opening paragraph, when I get ready to head out for my next trip, the suitcase is lifted onto my bed. Why do I do that? So I can hear LOOSE AMMUNITION rolling around and remove it. Actually, it's so I can open the suitcase wide and see what's what and I GUARANTEE YOU that I would notice ANYTHING before I started packing.  Total B.S. on the Americans.

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As previously reported, there are zero CICADAS and also no LIGHTNING BUGS. No Y2K and no professional baseball team on the south side of the city. Now that last one hurt me a lot.

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Country star JELLY ROLL claims he's having trouble booking an international tour because he's a convicted felon. Before you start feeling sorry for Mr. Roll, be advised he's been arrested FORTY times starting at the age of 14 and eventually did time for armed robbery and served 7 years probation. 'Reap what ye sow' comes immediately to mind. 

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CLAUDIA SHIENBAUM, 61, became the first woman to be elected as president of Mexico and has a doctorate in energy engineering and is a strong advocate for clean energy and solar power, of which there is plenty available in her country. She is also the first person with a Jewish background to lead the overwhelmingly Catholic country and is also a strong supporter of women's rights and legalized abortion. But absolutely no mention of the drug cartels. She assumes the position September 30.

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Ah, the catholic church strikes again.  The Augustinian order has finally released their list of PEDOPHILE PRIESTS and there was just FIVE names on the list. As Mike Ditka likes to say, "Who you crappin?" 

Conveniently left off the list was RICHARD McGRATH who was caught looking at nude pictures of boys while sitting in the stands at a Providence high school wrestling match wrestling match and that discovery was followed by a former student's accusation of abuse and a settlement of  two million dollars but why isn't he on the list? 

"We presented the allegations to the INDEPENDENT REVIEW BOARD and they decided that the allegations were not established but the lawsuit was settled without any admission of guilt. What a scam. 

You know how I always tell you to be safe and stay out of Chicago? Well, keep your sons safe and enroll them in public schools and don't EVER leave them alone with a priest. 

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Speaking of the cesspool, thru May 31, there has been 204 murders which is a decrease of 16% but we've had a cool rainy spring and the maggots and thugs and other members don't get serious until the 80's & 90's roll around. 

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Yesterday was the 80th anniversary of D-DAY when the momentum of WW II changed dramatically thanks to those brave men and women. We should all take a moment and cover our heart and say a silent thank you.

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ENJOY THIS MAGNIFICENT WEATHER for the next week because before you know it, we'll be walking around with hand fans and looking for shade. Be safe and stay out of Chicago. Enjoy the beautiful weekend!  

                                                             

THE WORLD GETS CRAZIER

 Will DONALD TRUMP take the witness stand? I bet several people whose heads are stuck down the rabbit hole some time ago that there was NO CHANCE despite his blowhard bravado of  'of course I'll testify' and 'I've got nothing to hide' and my favorite 'only a guilty person takes the fifth and doesn't testify' but my betting window is still open for all you trumpdy-dumptys out there. Name your price. 

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Ok, enough is enough. I don't care if you're a Jew or a Palestinian. You do have the right to peaceful protest BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT to set up tents on private property without the consent of the owner or take over buildings. I thought that the universities AND THE POLICE showed a great deal of restraint and allowed them plenty of time before issuing a deadline to pack up and leave BUT OF COURSE that deadline was ignored and then they all whined when their crap was thrown into the back of a garbage truck. Done. 

But you still have another option. Move back to Gaza or Israel and you can be right there on the front lines for your cause. Need a ride to the airport?

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The dilemma with Israel/Gaza.  Do you continue the assault until all prisoners are accounted for? Do you stop the assault so humanitarian aid can be provided? Do you get to the negotiation table and reach a temporary solution? or a permanent one in which all prisoners on both sides are released and brought home safely? Do you put boots on the ground to find all remaining members of Hamas? 

Every time I hear a solution that sounds reasonable, I revert back to the video of October 7 when those Hamas animals broke thru the security fences with the sole intent of slaughtering Jews peacefully living in their kibbutz on their Saturday holy day of reflection. Women, children and babies were massacred and some be-headed for no other reason than being Jewish and the murder count reached 1200+. And then I get angry all over again and I totally understand their anger and rage. A terrible situation with no right answer.

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As most of you know, I'm a sandwich/sausage guy and I recently discovered BEDDAR SAUSAGE WITH CHUNKS OF CHEDDAR CHEESE. Simply awesome but too long on the grill or in the microwave and the cheese starts leaking all over. Smoked sausage by Johnsonville.

Havarti cheese with dill.............exquisite. Especially on a grilled burger.

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WILL TRENT is finishing his second season and should be on your watch list. Will is a troubled detective with the Georgia Bureau of Investigations who lost his mother at an early age and was raised in an orphanage and tries to hide his dyslexia by using a hand held recorder rather than taking notes. His partner is a black woman with questionable morals who is hiding her diabetes so she doesn't get put on permanent desk duty.  Add a thug detective going thru an angry divorce and another female detective trying to get sober and that's your ensemble. But you have to start with season 1 episode 1.

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Will the United States get blamed for the helicopter crash in Iran that killed their president?

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Is it just me or does it rain every other day? I'm mowing my lawn twice a week.😖 

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100 billion locusts coming my way! Haven't seen one or heard one. Is this another Y2K?

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19 more Catholic parishes in the Chicagoland area are scheduled to be closed due to "budgetary issues." Hey, let me help you out with defining that phraseology....... 

In plain speak, it means that 'we continue to get our asses kicked in civil court to the tune of mega-millions and we can no longer afford to keep the doors open because for years we tolerated pedophile priests molesting children and never did anything about it' 

Now the one good thing that has come about because of the litigation is that there is a SERIOUS shortage of priests because they are either in prison or the neighborhood perverts are avoiding the priesthood because there is too much attention on new priests and they are actually doing backgrounds before being accepted into the seminary.

Now if we can only get the Catholic church to go completely out of business and close it's doors forever. They are a shameful organization and deserve to be treated just like the nazi party in Germany after WWII. No longer allowed.

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Nice weekend weather this past weekend in the city. 30 wounded, 1 killed. Just like spring training! The best/worst is yet to come!!!

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Speaking of Chicago, what a surprise when the most recent stats indicate that 48 freaking per cent of youths on the west side are not in school AND unemployed. WHAT A SURPRISE! A local 'mentor' said the kids get discouraged because when they apply for a job, they don't get hired. NO!!   Ok, here are some helpful hints the next time you apply:

Don't show up wearing black gym shoes with your baseball hat turned to the left or right. As a matter of fact, DON'T wear a baseball hat. Don't grunt when you're asked a question. 'Yes sir' and 'No sir' are perfectly acceptable answers. DO NOT CARRY A GUN. or a knife. or drugs. Take a shower and comb/brush your hair. Wear a pair of dress slacks and a collared shirt with polished street shoes. And finally, when the summer is over, get your ass back in school! You're welcome.

Finally, billionaire KEN GRIFFIN donated 125 million dollars to THE MUSEUM OF SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY and yesterday they officially changed the name to the GRIFFIN MUSEUM OF SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY. There is no chance anyone calls it anything but the original name, kind of like DUSABLE LAKE SHORE DRIVE. It will forever be LSD in song and thought. But thanks for the money, Ken.

That's it for now. Enjoy Memorial Day and remember to stay out of Chicago. Adios!  

SPORTS OF ALL SORTS

 Hello again everybody and welcome to April madness with playoffs everywhere along with the NFL draft and not a moment to waste so here goes!

First and foremost, CONGRATULATIONS TO THE CHICAGO BEARS! YOWSA!! A top shelf first round draft that grades out as A+ and makes every fan excited about next year. They were 7-10 last year and now let's hope 9-8 is in the cards for 2024.

AND A NEW STADIUM?? Be still my heart.

Now let's kill the elephant in the room so Cubs fans can relax and enjoy the rest of the column after reading the following beatdown. 

THE WHITE SOX ABSOLUTELY SUCK! My lord, they are the worst team I've seen in a long time and I truly believe they will break the all-time record of 120 losses, set by the EXPANSION New York Mets. At 3-22, they are on pace to finish 18-134.

A quick review: Just prior to co-vid, the Sox had a small window of playoff opportunity and bowed out quickly in consecutive years and that window slammed shut, emphasized by a disappointing year and then a terrible year and then they traded MOST of their regulars who were any good. 

Now if you do this, you better have people ready to play in the minors. Oops. The White Sox do have the third ranked system in the minors, behind the Cubs and the Orioles but until the kids are ready to play, it's going to be a long and dreadful two years. 

Is there any hope? 71-91, 61-101, 66-96, 73-89. Do those numbers look familiar to you, Cub fans? Those were the 4 years for the Cubs leading up to 2015 when they finished 97-65 and you all know what happened in 2016. So take a deep breath, Sox fans, and cross your fingers and your toes and maybe.....

The CUBS are off and running but need to stay healthy. Two starting outfielders, your best starting pitcher AND two steady relievers on the IL doesn't help but for the record, Uncle Dan bet the Cubs to win more than 83 games AND to win the division. I won't tell you the rest of my Cubs bets because you'll send the men with the nets and the white jackets to my house.

KYLE HENDRICKS does not have a bad back, he just stinks and the Cubs are hiding him until they figure out what to do with him. You never win the race with Father Time.

The BULLS did it again. They were just good enough to reach the playoffs and bad enough to get eliminated early, which will result in a middle of the road draft position which means next season, the beat goes on and on and on and on and everybody is one year older.

The BLACKHAWKS are really bad and will get a PREMIUM draft choice for the second consecutive year and they should be better next year. Should.

The MASTERS always seems to provide drama and excitement. Two guys trying to catch SCOTTIE SCHEFFLER on the final day resulted in unforced errors and both found the water to lock it up for Scheffler, who is the best in the world. HOWEVER.....If he spotted me 10 strokes, I would kick his ass at Augusta. Just 10 strokes.....per hole. 😁🏌🏆

What the hell was the GM of the ATLANTA FALCONS thinking when he drafted a quarterback in the first round? The had just signed CAPTAIN CONCRETE to 4 years @180 million with half of that guaranteed and then you draft a left hander with a history of knee problems?? Available with that pick was an animal tight end from Georgia named BROCK BOWERS, a two time national champion. I do not comprehend.

Even the Pittsburgh Steelers don't trust JUSTIN FIELDS. Before he's thrown a single pass in practice, they informed him that they would not be picking up next year's option on his contract. Without throwing a pass. How the mighty have fallen but he joins a large club of failed Chicago quarterbacks, as follows:

CADE McNOWN, SHANE MATHEWS, CHRIS CHANDLER, HENRY BURRIS, KORDELL STEWART, CRAIG KRENZEL,CHAD HUTCHINSON, JONATHAN QUINN, KYLE ORTON, BRIAN GRIESE, JAY CUTLER & MITCH FREAKING TRUBISKY.    

I have to stop at this point because I'm feeling ill. What a group of clowns.

OK, the desk is kind of cleared off...until next time. and stay out of Chicago.

A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF

I'm back from Mexico and we have all sorts of things to talk about NOW!

First of all, HAPPY WACKY TABACCY DAY!! Yes, today is 4/20 when all of you "dope fiends" (my father's description of tokers) gather around, put your feet up, scratch your belly, hold a cold can of beer and spark up a fatty. ENJOY! But be careful of the gummies for dessert.

Reality Check: the COLUMBINE HIGH SCHOOL massacre was 25 years ago today.

Today is also ADOLPH HITLER'S birthday. And now we move to DONALD TRUMP.  

See what I did there?

WE ARE READY TO RUMMMMMMMMBLE!!! They have completed jury selection for DONALD TRUMP and his date with destiny begins soon. 12 jurors and 6 alternates will decide his fate but don't expect any jail time if he's convicted because he has no criminal record BUT the presiding judge does have a history of being harsh when sentencing white collar criminals. Each of the 34 counts carries the possibility of a 4 year prison sentence. We'll see.

I said it before and I'll say it again. No one is above the law. NO ONE. HUNTER BIDEN should go to jail for his B.S. and trump should follow if convicted.

An interesting wager that I am part of as follows: Will big mouth trump take the witness stand? "I absolutely will testify!" I say no chance although I would love to see him blistered under cross-examination and watch him lose his cool with the jury taking notes. If he does take the stand, two things become crystal clear. 1)Trump is very stupid and 2) he has the worst lawyer since...........  RUDY GUILIANI! Who will ever forget the black hair dye running down Rudy's face at his outdoor press conference behind the Four Seasons Landscaping Company? No one.

Court observers say that trump lost the color in his face when it was ruled that certain "prior bad acts" would be allowed in cross examination if he takes the stand. And the best part would be that he would be under oath and don't think for a minute that there wouldn't be a fact checker in the court room. I can see the neon sign flashing already......PERJURY! PERJURY! PERJURY! I hate to lose my bet but PUH-LEEEEEEEZE take the stand!!

And if he doesn't, I can hear him now. "I was going to take the stand but my very fine lawyers, and they are the very best, talked me out of it but I really wanted to.....and if he is found guilty, his retort will be  'that his lawyers made a big mistake in keeping me off the stand because I would have convinced the jury all by myself.'  Have you noticed the bags under his eyes? a tired, bitter man. 

I think spring has finally arrived. Upper 50's and low 60's in the day and 40's at night and hopefully graduating slow but steady into summer. And after typing this, the chill factor today is 30 degrees. oops.

Just catching up with the news but I see that Chicago has once again become a shooting gallery with 130 homicides thru April 13 which averages about 40 a month and the WARM WEATHER ISN'T HERE YET.!! Can't wait to see how the city handles the ghetto areas around the United Center when the Democratic Convention arrives in mid-August. I know how they handled it in 1996 BUT nowadays, everyone has a camera.

Back to trump for a moment. Is he ever happy about anything? Now Trump  is accusing NASDAQ of allowing stock manipulation because "there's no way my stock can keep falling like that because I have a very fine company." Never his fault. Sound familiar?

Trump Media has lost 50% of it's value in less than a month since it hit the open market.

I don't think I've ever listened to a TAYLOR SWIFT song but I'm going to do it today. She's 34 and a certified billionaire so she must be doing something right.

WILL TRENT is the most innovative show on television. It's in its second year but you have to watch this peculiar detective from season one to have any chance of understanding him.

It took them about 75 years but have you noticed the use of a split screen for almost all sports events so they can get the commercials in but you can still watch the event? Very important with the Paris Olympics coming up in July because commercials pay the electric bills and a whole lot more.

And speaking of Paris, the repair work for the fire that occurred  at the 850 year old NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL is moving right along but no visitors until the end of the year at the earliest. The fire was so intense that the spire collapsed and transferred the flames into the church area. Incredibly, the crown of thorns and stained glass windows survived the extreme temperatures plus the twin towers featured in THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME were not damaged. A miracle? discuss.

Bought a 7# prime rib Easter week and retail price was $14.49 per pound but I got lucky when I walked in during a one day sale and got it for 5.99 a pound, about 65% off the $104.00 normal price. I high fived myself and hurried to the car before they changed their mind and ruined my dinner.

Listened to 4 songs. I'll pass. She has a pleasant but not very powerful voice. Two octaves on her best day. I was 2 octaves when I sang in St. John's choir.

What do we do with the homeless people? another discussion.

DEXTER REED fires his weapon from inside a car and hits a police officer and the other officers fire their weapons until the offender is dead. Pretty basic action and reaction. But now they want to hang the officers out to dry because among other things, they fired their weapons too many times. WHAT? Are they supposed to just fire once and call it even? That maggot deserved to die and he did. Case closed.

I still don't understand the STUDENT LOAN RELIEF. Seriously, you sign for a loan and you know you have to repay it. Why should those loans be wiped out? I'm confused. But I've come up with an idea regarding both my car loan and my mortgage. I'm going to send a letter to my Senator TAMMY DUCKWORTH and ask that she arrange to absolve me of any financial responsibility because........well, just because I don't want to pay them anymore.

Here's an eye opener just for you. Did you know that if you are injured in a traffic accident in Illinois and the guy at fault has the minimum insurance coverage required by state law, the most you can collect is $25,000? And the average medical bill for an injured motorist is......$24,000! Doesn't leave much for pain & suffering or loss of wages, does it? And here's the real kick in the butt: The same coverage is in effect if you die in the accident. One person dead and his family gets 25 grand. Check the cost of a funeral lately? The state is working on raising the minimum coverages.

I always thought that BROOKFIELD ZOO had every kind of animal but they are receiving their first two koala bears in May, on a two year loan from Australia. Cute and cuddly looking, they are solitary animals and prefer to be left alone and they have VERY SHARP teeth and claws if you try to touch them. And basically, they just eat eucalyptus leaves or leaves from a tea tree, none of which you have at home. They are total herbivores so don't throw a baloney sandwich into the enclosure but rather, give it to me.

Finally, it's good to be home but Mexico still is a wonderful place to visit. Good fresh food, beautiful women and people that get the most out of just a little bit and the best part, there is absolutely no snow. LOL.

That's it for now. Enjoy the spring and stay out of Chicago.  Later dude, I have to unwind with MARY JANE and her friends GANGSTER, BOOM, WEED, POT, DOPE, GRASS HERB, AUNT MARY, SKUNK, GANJA, HASH & CHRONIC.  farrrrrrr out.

NOTHING BUT SPORTS

 CONGRATULATIONS to Jim Harbaugh and the University of Michigan for winning the National Championship on Monday against an over-rated and out classed Washington football team. Michigan/Georgia would have had football fans howling at the moon.

Speaking of Harbaugh, what's next for the coach who wins EVERYPLACE he coaches? The Bears are too stupid to hire him but I'm thinking Atlanta or the west coast is his next stop.

The Bears dump everyone EXCEPT the head coach who has ONE year left on his contract which means nobody is leaving their current job for Chicago and a one year employment blanket. The right move was to sweep everyone out the door and let a new coach bring in his own staff (there are currently 6 recently fired head coaches hanging around)....but that would have been the right way to do it and we know the Bears don't like doing that. They suck. And don't buy that crap that they were sooooooooo close to making the playoffs. IF ONLY WE HAD WON THAT GAME.....or this one.....or that one. Complete and total bullshit.

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Trade the 1st pick again for a boatload of draftees?

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Someone finally woke up the CHICAGO CUBS front office and they signed a high caliber pitcher from the Japanese League. That was their first off season acquisition and now they need to make about 4 more moves, including re-signing CODY BELLINGER. They should also work hard to sign BLAKE SNELL if they want to be serious about the post season.

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The WHITE SOX make me laugh because they keep signing players that I have never heard of but I do notice the contracts all seem to be one year with a club option for a second year and most of these guys will disappear around July 31 in trades for minor leaguers. Does that sound familiar to anyone in Chicago? It should because that's exactly what the Cubs did in 2012-13-14 to build up their farm system before putting a competitive team on the field. Of course, you have to lose a hundred games a year for a while.

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The BLACKHAWKS have suffered more injuries that any other NHL team but the worst one was the other night when rookie superstar CONNOR BEDARD'S jaw was broken and now he will miss two months. Either way, the Hawks are going to finish at the bottom of the league again but Bedard was putting people in the seats and he was very exciting to watch.

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Any football fan had to be surprised by at least one of the three coaching moves this week. NICK SABAN, the best college coach EVER calls it a day and walks away from Alabama. Then BILL BELICHICK gets fired after 24 years at New England with six Super Bowl rings in his pocket but three consecutive losing seasons. What have you done for me lately? 

And then there's PETE CARROLL, who should have been fired LONG AGO for his decision in SUPER BOWL XLIX when he decided, with 30 seconds left in the game,  to pass from the one yard line instead of handing the ball to MARSHAWN LYNCH aka THE BEAST. Pass is intercepted and New England wins the game. And to this day, that obnoxious prick still defends his call even though it's been voted 'worst coaching call in NFL history' several times in different forums. 

Most of these coaches will be recycled as they always are. Life goes on in the NFL.

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CALEB WILLIAMS?

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Believe it or not, the CHICAGO BULLS are on the verge of the playoffs! Until they trade ZACH LAVINE. But no matter what, COBY WHITE still has the best hair in the NBA.

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CONGRATS to the 'Danimal' DAN HAMPTON who was elected to the COLLEGE FOOTBALL HALL OF FAME out of the University of Arkansas. He played 12 years with the Bears and is already in the NFL HALL OF FAME. He was fun to watch.

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DRAKE MAYE?

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This should be interesting. Comedian BILL MURRAY, MIKE VEECK and his son WILLIAM "NIGHT TRAIN" VEECK have bought controlling interest in THE JOLIET SLAMMERS of the independent Frontier League. Can't wait to see the promotions.

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I was reminded that I forgot a very big name in Chicago sports when I listed my R.I.P. section in a recent blog and I can't believe I missed it.

BOBBY HULL electrified Chicago hockey fans for 15 years and made the old Chicago Stadium come to life when he would make an end to end rink rush which would finish with one of his 100 mph slap shots. As a person who saw many of those games, he was one of a kind. Hull was 84 when he passed away in January. 

God bless and rest easy #9.

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And that does it for now, amigos. I'll be heading south shortly to get the hell away from this crappy weather. Stay safe and warm.