RANDOM THOUGHTS

 First off, let me wish my father HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Dad would have been 98 today and he loved playing cards, especially pinochle, as well as rooting for the Cubs. And if you think I'm a tad on the aggressive side, you should have met Raymond George.

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The 'debate?'  A total waste of time for most people because listening to both guys yell for an hour and a half accomplished nothing.  In today's day and age, debates have really lost their muscle because due to the internet, there are no more surprises and i truly believe that most people have made their decisions long ago. Next up is a town hall format where Americans pose the questions and wait for the reply. Much more sedate.

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Kudos to the White Sox for winning game one of the playoffs. This year is to gain experience and learn how to jump the fence next season.

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The president of notre dame university chastised his students and threatened expulsions if covid protocols weren't followed. Good for him! Uhhhhh, hold that thought. In typical hypocritical catholic style, Rev. Jenkins went to a white house ceremony to meet the new candidate for the supreme court and FAILED TO WEAR A MASK and followed that with SHAKING HANDS with numerous people at the function. There is a student petition at notre dame asking for his resignation and rightfully so. We all know he didn't wear a mask because he didn't want to irritate trump.

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203,000 dead and counting. Perhaps a quarter million by Thanksgiving. Incredible.

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Trump paid $70,000.00 to a hair stylist. He actually paid for that look?  seriously??

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                                               YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

Wisconsin is OUT OF CONTRO with covid infections. The positivity rate in Illinois is 3.6% while the cheeseheads are at 19.7 !!!! As a reminder, that means 1 out of every 5 tested people in Wisconsin have the virus.  Remember, they were the state where the republican state supreme court overturned the democratic governor's orders and reopened EVERYTHING with zero limitations. Remember the videos taken just an hour after the order was issued? elbow to elbow bars and taverns and clubs throughout the state. And now you pay the price.

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Chicago police department has arrested 74 looters for their actions in August. Only another 400 to go.

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  It figures. I finally refill my tiki torches and then the bottom drops out weather wise but I still think we'll have some more 'sit outside' evenings. Maybe with a hoodie but that's good enough for me. My sister will be the one wearing a winter coat and electric mittens. seriously.

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Hey, catch FARGO on the FX channel on Sunday nights and watch CHRIS ROCK in a totally new role as a bad ass gangster. The first two episodes have already played but you can catch them on-demand.

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Godspeed to HELEN REDDY who passed this week at the age of 78. "I AM WOMAN" "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM" "ANGIE BABY" and "YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD" were all chart toppers for Ms. Reddy back in the 70's and early 80's. I saw her perform several times in Las Vegas and she always put on a great show.       R.I.P.

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Have a great weekend and remember to VOTE RESPONSIBLY on November 3rd.

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JUST SOME THOUGHTS

 JUST SOME THOUGHTS

After spending almost six months at home, you can't help but let your mind wander to idle thoughts and memories. Here are some of mine:

 I still love the smell of freshly cut grass.

I'm really tired of people bitching about wearing a mask. If you don't want to wear one, then don't go to that establishment. Stay at home because you're too stupid to be out in public.

I still don't get people bringing "support" animals on a plane.

No surprise for me when a college has to cancel a game because of positive tests.

I really miss socializing with my friends.

Kids need to socialize but the schools should remain closed.

The thought "see?" pops into my head every time a politician who refused to endorse mandatory masks gets sick with the virus. To quote Red Forman from the 70's show....'DUMB ASS!'

Baseball in Chicago has been both exciting and disappointing this year.

The smell of a Thanksgiving turkey when i walk into Mark & Molly's house.

I miss sitting at the bar in the bowling alley and solving all the world's problems on Friday afternoon.

Every member of the Bears should buy a lottery ticket. Maybe the worse 2-0 team in NFL history.

Wasn't it nice to shut off the a/c recently and sleep with the windows open?

I miss the hot dogs from the Home Depot lobby.

The guy who rode the the horse down the expressway should have the crap beaten out of him.

I really miss going to a baseball game.

I won a hundred dollars when they announced the Breanna Taylor decision in Louisville. No way those cops should be charged with murder but the city should pay both families lots of money.

First year in a long time i didn't plant a garden. Planted two tomato plants on the side of the house and got very few.

BLT's are freaking awesome.

I REALLY REALLY miss going to the movies. My theatre re-opened recently but........

And the smell of cooking movie theater popcorn? yessssssssss !

I'm still the best cook in my family.

Ok, that's it and now i have some space available in my brain.

Have a great weekend and please remember to 

VOTE RESPONSIBLY ON NOVEMBER 3.

THE FINAL GAMBLING STORIES (for now)

 THREE FINAL STORIES---SOME GOOD FOR ME AND ONE BIG OUCHIE.

2003 NLCS  

CUBS VS. MARLINS

The cubs are loaded with KERRY WOOD and MARK PRIOR and SAMMY SOSA and all sorts of macho guys including one of the worst post-season managers in baseball history, DUSTY BAKER. The cubs are 3-1 favorites to win the series so of course, i'm all over the marlins but after four games, i'm in trouble after the cubs win three of those.

Game 5 has the cubs a -260 favorite to win and advance to the world series. I back up my series bet by pounding the marlins and the cub bats promptly go silent with just 2 hits in a 4-0 marlin victory. ON TO WRIGLEY!

Game 6 has MARK PRIOR as a -320 favorite and i can't get my money down fast enough because i figure its going to be a tight game and dusty baker will find some way to screw things up and the old dust bag came thru for me in the eighth inning when with one out and the cubs leading 3-0 with a runner on second, the famous STEVE BARTMAN play happened and MOISES ALOU threw a tantrum out in left field. 

Then prior, a rookie, on the very next pitch, walks the batter while throwing a wild pitch. Runners on first & third....surely dusty goes to the mound to settle his pitcher. NOPE.

The nephew is with me and sucking down a vodka rocks and begins chewing the ice.

Then PUDGE RODRIGUEZ singles to left to drive in a run, making it 3-1 and it's obvious that it's time to bring in relief pitcher KYLE FARNSWORTH but nope. Dusty is still missing in action. Even my boot licking cubbie blue nephew is wondering 'where's dusty?' and orders a double vodka.

Finally, MIGUEL CABRERA hits a 2 hop double play ball to the BEST DEFENSIVE SHORTSTOP in the league but he boots the ball and everyone is safe and the bases are loaded. Thank you for a great performance, mark prior, and enjoy your shower. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! dusty has apparently been attacked by MR. FREEZE from the BATMAN series. he doesn't freaking move off the bench.

The nephew orders another double vodka and threatens the vendor' life if it's not a "good pour."

DUSTY BAKER, WHERE ARE YOU????

Then DERON LEE whacks a double to tie the game AND GUESS WHAT? dusty shows up but it's too late. Even with the score tied, every cub fan is catatonic after two more walks, a bases clearing double and a run scoring single. MARLINS WIN 8-3. ON TO GAME 7.

The oddsmakers still believe the cubs (FOOLS!) and make them and KERRY WOOD -300 favorites to win the game and i bet everything i won on games 5 & 6 and sit back with the hungover nephew to witness the carnage. As usual, the cubs teased their fans and led 5-3 in the third inning but lost 9-6 and blew a great chance to go to the series.   

DANCING IN THE STREETS FOR UNCLE DAN. A silent limo ride home with the tortured nephew.

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2005 

KENTUCKY DERBY

I have no great love for any of the horses so i bet jockey MIKE SMITH who always gives a professional ride and you get your money's worth. GIACOMO is 50-1 and i'll need a fast race for him to have a chance as the front runners tire because of the pace. 

Now sitting at OTB with all the other degenerate hopefuls, i run into a handful of attorneys that i did battle against in the court system many times and we exchange high fives and start telling courtroom lies and we're just having a ball when i ask who they have. I get like nine answers so i know they are just there for the party but the one horse they are all betting on is CLOSING ARGUMENT at 35-1 and they harass me until i go to the window and bet their horse, which i do to place and just before i leave the window, i bet an EXACTA 10-18.  They're all dogging me for betting their horse to finish second but after i explain GIACOMO, they understand and it's more beverage time.

AND THEY'RE OFF!! and both horses immediately disappear from the tv screen. UGH. 

They run a very fast quarter mile and then the announcer says they were the second fastest in history to the half mile pole. NOW I'M INTERESTED because i need the fast pace for my come-from-behinder.

Closing argument appears in sixth place and moving up steadily so now i may have a winning ticket with him and finally at the 3/4 pole, i can at least see my horse in the middle of the pack, ten horses back and closing argument is on the outside four wide.

AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME!!!!!

Closing argument is battling for the lead and suddenly GIACOMO, easy to spot wear bright green silks, begins bobbing and weaving, inside then outside and then FAR outside to draw clear of the huddle and now it's FIVE WIDE for a moment before two horses tire and once again, OTB IS HOOTIN AND A HOLLERING!!!!!! as CLOSING ARGUMENT, GIACOMO and FLEET ALEX  are stride for stride and at the finish line it's ...........GIACOMO!!!!!  at 50-1!!   And damned if CLOSING ARGUMENT doesn't win a photo and finish second. YAKAPOOLAH!!!!

The lawyers are dancing around like they just won a murder conviction (only prosecutors in this group) and i have tears in my eyes and the anticipation of the payoff announcement is killing me. Now  i'll give you a taste of the payouts:

For a $2 ticket, GIACOMO PAID   $102.60

And i can tattle on the lawyers because they all had $20 tickets on CLOSING ARGUMENT  which paid $70 for a two dollar bet so they all won $700. I had a $50 ticket and won $1750.00 on their horse.

Ok, here's the EXACTA definition and payout. Both horses have to finish in EXACT order of your wager, which was horses 10-18.             a $2 exacta bet paid $9,814. 80.       a very good afternoon.

And yes, i bought them all dinner and drinks and paid for a safe ride home for all of them.

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Ok, cub fans, here's the final story when the north siders got their revenge on me.

2016

WORLD SERIES

The cubs are heavy favorites again so i bet the CLEVELAND INDIANS because again the cubs are managed by the most over rated manager in the history of baseball who is known for making strange decisions and things are looking simply rosy after the cubs spit up three of the first four and only have one game left in WRIGLEY FIELD. 

This time i take the other boot licking cub fan nephew on a very pleasant autumn night, perfect for watching , ONCE AGAIN, cub fans crying in the streets. I make a nice bet to go along with my series bet but alas, my fun would have to wait as the cubs rallied for a 3-2 win and cost me a couple of bucks. A very interesting managerial decision had JOE MADDON let closer AROLDIS CHAPMAN pitch      2 2/3 innings of relief and throw the ball 42 times. we'll see.

Game 6 brings out the total moron in maddon as he brings in chapman to pitch with a SEVEN RUN LEAD and he throws 20 more pitches and barely avoids injury on a play at first base. Cubs win 9-3 and steal  more money from uncle dan.   But now it's time to back up your series bet by loading up on cleveland for GAME 7.

Sitting in the FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE for game 7, i watch the cubs build a 6-3 lead going into the eighth but then the MORON makes a move that made every cub fan slap their foreheads and puts a smile on my face as he brings in chapman AGAIN. 

He's thrown 62 pitches in the last two games and he's got to be out of gas and believe me, there's a huge difference between 102 mph and 97 and the Indians immediately proved my point by hitting a double and then a home run to tie the game. JACOBS FIELD IS ROCKING and uncle dan is warming up for the happy dance in the bay window.  6-6 !!  

Chapman is crying on the bench and the cubs look like they have serious migraines. Now the incredible part is that after the side is finally retired and the game eventually heads to the bottom of the ninth, despite chapman crying on the bench and obviously having nothing left in the tank, moron sends chapman back in to pitch.

But the world series had an issue with uncle dan warming up too soon and they let chapman get three outs and force extra innings, although current cub JASON KIPNISS sent one to the wall. momentum was still seriously on the side of the Indians but the gods also had a way of dealing with that. RAIN.

Seventeen minutes of rain to be exact and in that time, the cubs settled down with a team meeting and regained their composure. They score two runs and that was that.  The wallet and my heart were both emptied and my hatred for the cubs magnified ten fold.   AAAARRRRRHHHHGGGGG

JUST ODDS & ENDS

ODDS & ENDS

Just a thought: Whatever happened to turning the fire hoses onto protesters? They have a remarkable effect on all the maggots causing trouble plus the fire trucks are right there to instantly put out any fires. Don't waste your time with unreliable tear gas and rubber bullets. Just turn the water on and the party's over. Easy to arrest the ones who have just felt the full force of a water cannon because you just walk over to the nearest guy laying in the street who's still shaking the cobwebs and apply the handcuffs. I guarantee very little resistance. Plus most of them can probably use a bath. Was that last sentence too snarky?

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I don't know what the hell happened in Kenosha but that video sure looks bad for the officers UNLESS they saw him reaching for a weapon inside the car but it sure looked bizarre when two officers are chasing him around the front of the car with their guns drawn and no visible weapon on him. very strange.

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My niece (who is a teacher and has two kids) thinks all students should be back in the class room and i totally disagree with her. As I've said for months, i think everything in-school should be cancelled for this entire school year and ALL SPORTS. DESPERATE TIMES =DESPERATE MEASURES. Let's get this nation healthy first.

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Regarding the above, we all know that kids in the lower grades are walking petri dishes and infect classes AND THE TEACHER every year with colds, flu, measles, lice, mumps, chicken pox and God knows what else. How in the world are you going to protect the teacher, the teaching assistant, the janitor, the lunch room lady, the bus drivers, etc. from COVID? And as soon as one tests positive, everyone who has had contact with that student goes home for two weeks............and you know that's going to happen.

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Back in WW II, people went without gasoline, tires, metal, nylon, silk, shoes, sugar, coffee and even tin cans. Nobody liked it but it had to be done 'for the cause.'   And today, you should wear a mask and social distance and avoid any type of crowding, no matter how small.  Nobody likes the inconvenience but it's better than dead. Just ask 175,000 families.

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If you root for Chicago sports teams, this past weekend was wonderful for White Sox fans as they beat the Cubs two out of three AT wrigley field and the 'deer in the headlight' look on the faces of cub players Saturday night was worth the price of admission as the north siders realized they were no longer the best team in Chicago. The worm has definitely turned.

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FYI---The Democrats are going to hold serve on the states they won in 2016 and their 227 electoral votes BUT YOU NEED 272 TO GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE.

So if they add Wisconsin (10 electoral votes--trump won by 20,000), Michigan (11 electoral votes-trump by 11,000) and throw in either Pennsylvania (20) or Florida (29), it's all over. 

JOE BIDEN currently leads in the polls by 8% in wisconsin, michigan and florida, and pennsylvania is at 6%. ARE THE POLLS ACCURATE??? In just 71 days, you'll have your answer.

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P.S.  In Arizona, where trump won by 5% in 2016, he currently trails by 9%.  

11 electoral votes go to the winner of that state.

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R.I.P. to WILFRED BRIMLEY, a great character actor who appeared in everything from oatmeal commercials to blockbuster movies like THE NATURAL, COCOON and ABSENCE OF MALICE. His steady voice reminded me of what a grandparent should sound like.   God speed my friend.  Wilfred was 85.

• 

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That's enough for now. Stay safe & cool with the

Empty the gunny sack!

 KUDOS to the Mid-America conference for canceling their fall sports schedules. It makes no sense to send these young men into gridiron combat when the virus is still running rampant. This makes three conferences that have canceled their football season and look for the BIG TEN to follow suit shortly.

It's one thing for professional football players to attempt to keep their season going, but at the college level, mom and dad are also involved in the decision as to whether their son is going to participate. I've said it before and I will say it again. All collegiate sports should be cancelled for the entire year until covid-19 is under control.
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And even more kudos to school systems who have decided that video instructions is the way to go, at least for the first semester. I know kids need to be together to learn their social skills but who's going to protect the teachers, the assistants, the janitor, the bus drivers, the lunchroom lady, etc.?
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BUT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE, the archdiocese of Chicago has decided, in their infinite wisdom, that Catholic children will be protected by some magic force and they're going to have in-person schooling starting in a couple of weeks. I pray for those students.
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The Chicago Police department has announced that they have already used up their overtime budget for the year. WHAT A SURPRISE!

The jungle is alive and well and the bad guys outflank and outnumber the good guys and jungle people keep dropping like flies in the inner city. Now, I'm not quite up to date with the statistics but I believe through August 5th, the city of Chicago has had 1255 shootings with 261 of them fatal, and that's just in the last 75 days since May 21st!!!

There is no cure for the jungle and the best thing you can do is avoid it like the plague. Don't go downtown for a show, don't go downtown for a fancy dinner, don't go downtown for a concert and don't even go in the city to enjoy Lake Michigan because the next trip you make might be directly to the morgue.
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The city is thinking about a WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM in the hopes that people will come forward and testify against the bad guys. I think it's a good idea.

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Did you happen to see that explosion in Beirut? Stockpiled ammonia nitrate, the same substance that blew up the Federal building in Oklahoma City 25 years ago, caused an mushroom cloud explosion that was so loud it was heard a hundred and eighty miles away! As soon as the government sorts this out, look for swift and severe justice to be handed out to the people responsible for stockpiling it. Unless, of course, it was the government itself responsible for the stockpiling.
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The GEICO commercials crack me up. Whether it's Cynthia the homeowners association president cutting down mailboxes with a chainsaw because they're too tall or a young couple saying how much they love their house but they have RATTS (the heavy metal band that's living in their basement) or complaining that they have ants (AUNTS), they're very amusing.
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Just curious. Are you voting Kanye West for president? Donald Trump's friend. Just a reminder.
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Speaking of the election, are you going to vote in person or mail it in? I want you to realize that if you mail it in you will piss off Donald Trump. Just saying. If you live in lake county, just go to the government site of lakecounty.org   and you can apply for your mail-in ballot. It literally takes 30 seconds to do it. And no, your dog doesn't get a ballot.
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I really wish the government would appoint a bi-partisan committee to discuss the elimination of history in the United States. I know that people are angry and they want to throw every statue into the river but I think a committee who takes the time to speak and inform and debate each person individually, it would satisfy most Americans in the long run.
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HOW ABOUT THOSE BLACKHAWKS?!!
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Memo to Illinois House speaker Mike Madigan. Resign your position and go home and wait for the federal indictment. ALL of the people at Commonwealth Edison are cooperating with the federal government investigation and all of the politicians involved are going down for the count. Let your party move on with a new speaker.
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Joe Biden should announce his vice presidential running mate this week and I think the odds-on favorite is California senator Kamala Harris but now I'm hearing the bongo drums beating for the governor of Michigan GRETCHEN WHITMER.

Why would Biden pick the governor of Michigan? Well, California is a state that he already has in his pocket and there is no doubt about that, while Michigan was a state that Donald Trump won by just 11,000 votes in 2016 and with whitmer as a running partner, that would pretty much assure michigan voting democratic and michigan is one of the states that Joe Biden needs to win the presidency.
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MICHIGAN, WISCONSIN & PENNSYLVANIA/FLORIDA and you have a new president.

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Where have all the lightning bugs gone?
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And where have all the bluejays gone?

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Do you realize that the Jussie Smollett case is still ongoing in the city of Chicago? The city of Chicago has spent tens of thousands of dollars prosecuting this jerk for filing a false police report, stating that he was attacked by two individuals because he was gay. If the city wins their case, I hope they get a judgement from the bench that Smollett has to pay back all the money spent to prosecute him.

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Ok, the gunny sack is empty and it's time for the work week. Only 85 days til the election. WEAR A MASK AND COVER BOTH YOUR NOSE AND YOUR MOUTH. Have a great week!

REVEALING THE REAL DONALD

 I took a break from writing about the guy in the white house for a couple of weeks but i just can't take it anymore. This vile, crude, vindictive, non-feeling excuse for a human being is the worst example of leadership in my lifetime and i hope and pray that in 88 days, this all goes away and we can start work on healing the nation.

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Again, in case you missed it the first time i wrote it....... If you support trump, it means you support racism, bigotry and misogynistic behavior and don't give me that crap that 'i support trump but i'm not a racist' because they go hand in hand and i will say it to your face and if the gloves get dropped at that point, so be it. My nose didn't get like this by being shy.

 Not to mention his callous nature towards human life in general and his total disregard for great Americans who didn't agree with him. Remember him insulting REPUBLICAN war hero JOHN McCAIN by stating he liked his heroes "un-captured", a slap in the face of a man who spent 5 years in a POW camp and then dedicated his entire life to public service? 

And more recently, he has a hissy fit over Representative JOHN LEWIS and won't go to his funeral because "Well, he didn't come to my inauguration."   Apples and oranges. Lewis didn't go to trump's swearing in because of trump's long history of racism but Lewis was another American hero who fought years for equal rights. More than a few people have said trump didn't go because he considered lewis a 'trouble maker who didn't know his place and didn't know when to shut up.' 

 Three former presidents (including REPUBLICAN GEORGE BUSH) took part in the funeral and aging JIMMY CARTER sent a condolence letter. All of the former executives said, "LEWIS was a great American and even if you didn't agree with him, there's not a person on earth who can deny his passion and his hard work and dedication to social justice."  Except one guy.

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For months and months, trump has railed against mail-in voting because "everyone including the family dog gets a ballot and the election will be a fraud." He wants to sue NEVADA because every registered voter is automatically going to receive a ballot APPLICATION in the mail. He also wants to sue MICHIGAN for the same reason. But he doesn't want to sue IOWA or GEORGIA for the same practice. Could that be because those two states almost always vote republican?? Oh, and by the way, mail in voting is just fine in FLORIDA and ARIZONA because they have 'fine republican governors' that will make sure everything goes smoothly.

HEY DUFUS! The states are mailing out APPLICATIONS, NOT BALLOTS, to registered voters in case they want TO APPLY for an absentee ballot. Jesus, never in the history of the white house HAS SUCH A STUPID MAN OCCUPIED THE OVAL OFFICE.

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Write something complimentary about him? Then you're a great reporter from a fantastic media outlet.  Write something truthful but negative? Then we all know it's 'fake news' and your station should fire you because you are a failure at your job. 

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trump is getting his ass kicked in the polls and is a desperate man. Recently, he boldly stated that the november election day should be delayed. Gee, i wonder why? trump needs the covid-19 pandemic to go away, just like he's been claiming it's going to do 'anyday now' AND he needs 50 million americans to go back to work AND he needs schools to reopen and return to normal teaching structures AND all of this needs to happen in the next two months. He knows that's not going to happen so he needs more time but the BI-PARTISAN RESPONSE was a resounding 'NO' and even trump humper mitch mcconnell said loud & clear that there was no way the election doesn't happen on November 3.

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Time is running short for this presidential disaster so let's review just some of his failures. Mexico will pay for the wall..............I promise you Obamacare will be gone the day I'm elected--(not only was it defeated twice but trump has yet to reveal his replacement plan)........does it exist?..............We will build 300 miles of new wall the first year (22 new miles so far)...........TURNING HIS BACK on medical information regarding covid-19 for almost three months before declaring a national emergency on March 13th......trumpeting the useless drug hydroxychloriquine to the american people despite even his own doctors saying it has ZERO EFFECT on the virus......... prescription prices will fall drastically because the rx companies will lose their protection..........ISIS has been eliminated (18,000 fighters still remain)........his response after charlottsville "there were many fine people on each side"  problem was the one side was the american nazi party..............global confidence in the u.s. has fallen each year since trump took office.......separating families at the border and placing children in "kennel like" cells..................six kids die from a lack of medical attention at the border...............complete failure in IRAN & SYRIA........... and the beat goes on and on and on and............THIS MAN IS A TOTAL FAILURE WHEN IT COMES TO REPRESENTING THE UNITED STATES.

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My fondest wish is that trump calls me someday and invites to the boxing gym where i would proceed to kick the shit out of him. Do wishes ever come true?

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88 DAYS TO ELECTION DAY. PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU'RE REGISTERED SO WE CAN END THIS PRESIDENCY.

Stay safe and wear a mask.  Have a great weekend!

GAMBLING IS A WAY OF LIFE

Some people have asked me why I'm telling these stories and for some reason, I just think it's time. I want you all to know that i'm sharing stories about gambling because we've all won and we've all lost and it makes no difference how much money is involved because a ten dollar loss can hurt just as much as a thousand because everything is relative to you and your current financial situation. I share because they're all fond memories and although some were very painful at the time, such is the life of a gambler. enjoy. 

Ok, i'll give you cub fans some giggles to start my degenerate gambling history column. WARNING: REMEMBER THAT GAMBLERS FREQUENTLY USE BAD LANGUAGE AND I'M NO EXCEPTION but if that doesn't bother you, read on.

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On August 12, 2018 a good WASHINGTON NATIONALS team with MAX SCHERZER on the mound is in Chicago to face the cubs on sunday night baseball. The cubs by this time of the season are running out of gas and just bobbing in the water, hoping to get a wild card berth. They're desperate for pitching and they recently signed veteran lefty COLE HAMELS who has been pretty good in his first two starts for the north side.

MAD MAX is working his way towards a 4th cy young award and hasn't lost in six weeks. The wind is blowing in over the center field wall and the humidity is only 38% so the baseballs will be flattened out when hit in the air. To show you how badly the cubs were struggling,  max is a -140 favorite IN WRIGLEY FIELD but there's no way i lay that at urine field so i take the under 7 at +105 and settle in with a large popcorn to watch hamels & max duel it out.

This is easy money for Uncle Dan!!! I watch scherzer befuddle the cubs on 3 hits thru 7 shutout innings with 11 strikeouts but that little prick Hamels responds with ONE HIT and 9 k's but the NATS lead 1-0 and both guys are done for the night and it's time for the horror show known as BOTH TEAM'S FREAKING BULLPENS.

The 8th is uneventful but the nats get some breathing room in the 9th with 2 runs off the cubs relievers, as expected, and the cubs have the lower half of the order coming up trailing 3-0. Looking good.

Heyward gets a one out single and almora gets hit by a pitch just before schwarber fouls out. two down. strikeout, fly out, ground out, force out, whatever works to get the third out but that cocksucker RYAN MADSEN hits another batter and loads the bases. That bad feeling in my stomach is happening again as i slink down in my recliner waiting for the inevitable. The espn announcer drives the final nail in my coffin by stating, "well, pinch hitter DAVID BOTE is just looking for a base hit because nothing is going deep with the wind blowing in." BOOM! a fucking 430 foot home run to dead center field, wind be damned, cubs win 4-3 and FYI.......an even 7 runs isn't UNDER 7, now is it? As the cubs celebrate, i'm looking for madsen's home address so i can burn his house down.....AFTER i punch him in the mouth and kick him in the gonads. 

19 days later, he was traded to his third team that season and he was out of baseball a year later. A little late for uncle dan but if i ever see him in the crosswalk at an intersection.......... fuck him.

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1990

KENTUCKY DERBY  I would always work whatever overtime was available in March & April and all that money went to bet on the derby. The amounts obviously varied but i always had enough to make straight and gimmick bets to my heart's content. The key of course, is to pick the winner and then combine him with the gimmick bets to make large coin but ya gotta win first. But this year, i truly can't find a horse sitting at OTB in Waukegan and it's getting close to post time and i want to avoid the last minute rush so i have to do something soon.

So i read the story in the digest that jockey PAT DAY abandoned UNBRIDLED in order to ride co-favorite SUMMER SQUALL despite winning the florida derby with unbridled. So with the clock ticking, i put most of my money 'to win' at 11-1 on UNBRIDLED and then made a handful of gimmicks and now it was time to light a cigar and watch the race. (yes, you could still smoke at otb). I sit down next to a large black lady whose name is MATILDA and she ALSO has a ticket on UNBRIDLED because she wants to see that mother fucker pat day lose a paycheck for switching horses. good reasoning.

Right away, i'm in trouble as unbridled gets caught up in the 20 horse field at the start of the race and Matilda yells a nasty word but no one cares because it's otb and we're all used to those utterances but at the first turn, the pack thins and at least i can see my horse running eleventh with the enemy, summer squall in 6th. unbridled slowly makes his way up the pack until he sits just behind squall and the hair on my neck is standing straight up because even after the early trouble, now i think i have a shot at it.

Now the final turn in the derby is always a wide one as packed horses have just one more chance to break free and head for home and just prior to the turn, at the exact same time, both horses break wide and now the race is on!!! six wide and pandemonium breaks out at otb with everyone on their feet whoopin' and a hollerin' and Matilda is yelling stuff that i simply cannot understand but at least i know who she's rooting for (or against)!!

Both horses stay wide and run down REAL CASH and co-favorite MR. FRISKY with about 150 yards to go and then it's UNBRIDLED vs SUMMER SQUALL in the run for the roses!!! neck & neck for a short while, UNBRIDLED found another gear and stormed to a 3 length victory and Uncle Dan was doing the happy dance WITH MATILDA  at otb. YOWSA! 

There was a photo hanging in the trophy case for years at otb of me hugging Matilda and doing our victory dance.  Unbridled paid $23.60 for a two dollar bet and Matilda had a twenty dollar ticket and was going to be living large that evening. (Last i saw her, she had a cold bottle of Budweiser in each hand)

my payday?? was good enough so that on monday morning, i went and paid cash for a brand new KAWASAKI 1500 full dresser motorcycle at Nielsen's. Nothing better than plunking down cash and having zero payments.  

FOOTNOTE: Not only was UNBRIDLED a champ on the track, he also had  437 girlfriends off the track who produced 183 more winners. He is also the last derby winner to  sire another kentucky derby winner,1986 winner GRINDSTONE, and the last to sire winners of the BIG 3 races, Kentucky derby, Preakness and the Belmont stakes. Remember the big win i wrote about with MINE THAT BIRD??? well, UNBRIDLED was his great great grandfather. How's that for champion lineage? great horse.

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Remember my opening of this column where i said that everything was relative regarding money? Here is a perfect example. UNCLE JACK was my favorite human being on the planet and because his only son had passed away at a young age, he kind of took me under his wing, especially when he discovered my love of numbers and gambling. One autumn day, uncle jack calls me and says he has a 'lock' on a harness race at old MAYWOOD PARK. Now i don't like betting on harness races because they remind me of donkeys chasing carrots and i don't think it's very exciting and rumors are constantly floating around about whether it's on the up and up.

But it's UNCLE JACK calling!!! so i meet him there and have a great time listening to his stories until the 7th race comes around where we can't lose!  Now I have $42 to my name. Not $42 in my pocket but $42 to my name. total. no more. no bank account. no checking account.

Uncle Jack has me totally convinced that this 18-1 shot is our road to financial independence soooooooooo I plunk down forty bucks on the nose of this donkey. and they're off!!!!

Donkey starts off well and sits third on the outside and stays there coming to the backstretch. I'm feeling good because the information we have is that the donkey will make a late surge after sitting third or fourth most of the race. And here comes the donkey!!!!! The driver has put the whip to him and he moves up to second and we can actually hear the whip cracking as he TAKES THE LEAD WITH JUST 50 YARDS TO GO and then........the fucking horse breaks stride!! 

For the uninitiated, in harness racing the horse is required to trot in a particular sequence and if he breaks stride, the jockey required to pull to the outside and regain proper stride WITHOUT gaining ground in the race. It's kind of like losing your rhythm when you're dancing and having to re-establish your footwork.

UNCLE JACK loudly yells you 'fucking thief' as the horse finishes 6th and throws his glass of scotch (you know he was pissed if he wasted scotch) so i have to follow suit but i don't have a drink........so i respond by throwing my hot dog.......... and it hits some lady right in the head.....and she slowly turns and looks for the offender with a Darth Vader death stare. I, of course, grow chicken feathers and i'm also looking for the imaginary offender. 

After a while, i'm feeling guilty and I start to make my way down to apologize when Uncle Jack grabs my arm and says "bad idea. she'll live....and her husband is coming back and he weighs about 300 pounds and looks like a biker. It's bad enough we lost all of our money. We don't need to get our asses kicked on top of it. It's time to cut our losses. we are adios."   And i live like a homeless person the rest of the week on two bucks.

End of story. 'Sure things' aren't always so sure, even if your favorite uncle says so and 'cutting your losses' is a pretty good idea. R.I.P. Uncle Jack

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I have 3 more stories that i will tell you next time. Enjoy the day.