A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN

Every season the national league tries to protect the CUBS by providing them with a soft april schedule and business wise, it makes perfect sense because if the cubs can be close to .500, then the fans AND advertisers stay interested so i was less than enthusiastic when the north siders rolled over sub-.500 opposition in april.

HOWEVER, the cubs convinced me they're for real with their performance over the last week, winning seven consecutive games against playoff bound teams and most of the games weren't even close. my earlier concern was their depth but every bench player stepped up and contributed against the PIRATES & NATIONALS.

The most valuable commodity for a team is movable parts and the cubs certainly have that. when you add offensive firepower and decent defense to that mix, stir in some pretty good pitching including the second best pitcher in chicago, i dare say that the cubs will be playing deep into october.
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the WHITE SOX are just honored being allowed to play in the same city as the cubs. gag
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outlaw the shift? i think not but why don't the batters learn to punch the ball the opposite way especially when they're the leadoff hitter in any inning? those runners score 34% of the time which ain't bad.
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you want to outlaw something? eliminate the DH. 
give a three year notice to the teams so they have time to retool and get back to real baseball. no chance.
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pig in a poke? ZACH GRIENKE got like a gazillion dollars from the DIAMONDBACKS and his e.r.a. is over 5. yikes.
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ADAM LaROCHE was last seen rescuing three-legged pit bulls from breeders in VIETNAM. just kidding. or am i?
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gotta run. have a great week!

JUST MORE STUFF

Ok, now that we've established that it's DONALD vs HILLARY, (assuming that BERNIE has run out of communists to vote for him) i'm going to set the odds for the general election at 8-5 in favor of hillary and set a line of +4.5 % points that hillary will beat the donald by when all of the popular vote is counted.

i will also predict that TED CRUZ will join the WWE and win the intercontinental championship within a year.  did you see that forearm shiver AND flying elbow that he gave to his wife just after he conceded the race? MACHO MAN was smiling down on him.  

one good thing is that we're spared four years of looking at this.

now here's a television tip for the future. the first debate between THE BULLY and the ANTI-CHRIST will be absolutely must-see tv. while not as good as her husband, former president BILL CLINTON, the anti-christ does a decent job of debating while the bully's method is to attack and ridicule with a very loud mouth which worked perfectly when there were eight people on the stage and the 'debates' all turned into free for alls.

but these debates will be hombre contra mujer and the moderators will be world class who won't allow donald to escape with empty bluster without answering the question so when donald says that 'MEXICO will pay for the wall', he better have an answer other than "well, you'll see after i'm elected."

and hillary should invest in a flak jacket because donald will be all over the ARKANSAS WHITEWATER DEAL, her performance with BENGHAZI in which four AMERICANS died because of her inaction, LOOTING THE WHITE HOUSE when they moved out and of course, her most recent problem with confidential emails.
and these are just a few of her indisgressions but you better believe donald will find all of them.  

let's get ready to rummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmble!

in the jungle, the mighty jungle...........

The new chicago police superintendent, EDDIE JOHNSON, apparently lived under a rock the last thirty years before his recent promotion. johnson has asked residents of the jungle to co-operate with officers and help investigations. WHAT IS HE SMOKING?? 

the people in high crime districts are animals who HATE the police and live by the credo that "snitches get stitches" and "survival of the fittest" and there is NO WAY they help the cops for any reason, no matter what color the top cop is.

"i didn't see nuttin"  "i ain't sayin s___ to you" and "we take care of our own" are the three most frequent refrains to investigators after a serious crime and johnson is not going to change that. 

when one animal is killed, then the offended pack heads out to even the score, whether the new victim be man, woman or child. and then they all march in a 'peace' parade, get on the local news and blame the police for not stopping the carnage.
and the beat goes on...................................
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and from the 'exactly HOW OLD ARE YOU?' (ehoau) department: april nineteenth was the 20th anniversary of the oklahoma city bombings. culprit timothy mcveigh was put to death by lethal injection in 2001.
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more EHOAU......how about the classic movie 'FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH with SEAN PENN as stoner jeff spicolli?' well, that was 34 years ago this year.
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i see where moose hunter SARAH PALIN is telling everyone that speaker of the house PAUL RYAN'S career is over because he's not backing donald.  this coming from a woman whose 15 minutes was up a long, long time ago. go away.
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time to guard your daughters: O J SIMPSON is eligible for parole NEXT YEAR and he's been a model prisoner since receiving a 33 year sentence in 2008. it should be noted that simpson has already been granted parole on several of the lesser charges. 

on a personal note, oj was acquitted of the murder charge in 1995 but thirteen years later, he was found guilty of armed robbery. both decisions were rendered on the same date which happens to be my birthday, OCTOBER 3rd.  
buddies with oj? i think not.
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i've never watched the entire TEN COMMANDMENTS movie or the WIZARD OF OZ.
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remember all those baseball cards we collected? well, if you have the 1952 TOPPS MICKEY MANTLE card in prime condition, it just sold saturday night for $312,000! not a bad return for a nickel investment.  too long ago for you? 
ok, then try the 1999 SP DEREK JETER card in 
gem mint condition because it sold at the same auction
 for twenty grand. just sayin'.
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how much did you pay for your first car? mine was a hundred bucks. a classy faded green 1956 ford. drove it 7 months until the a-frame fell out of it at a stop sign. then i got a 1958 oldsmobile. movin' on up.
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does TED CRUZ look a little like EDDIE MUNSTER?
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when you buy a case of pop, why isn't the bar code on the same side as the hand cutout? you set in on the moving belt at the JEWEL and the lady has to flip the box to find the bar code. dumb.
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i hate camping.
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i'm still confused over the transgender bathroom situation.
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i just found out most women under 40 don't wear pantyhose anymore. what do they wear, sox?
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my recipe for prime rib is the best. no discussion needed.
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ok, i'm done for now.  HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

just sports

What is it about athletes that makes them think they can beat the system? DEE GORDON, the defending NL batting champion, tested positive for PED's and got suspended 80 games by MLB and becomes ineligible for post season play, should the MARLINS make it that far. what a moron. exactly how stupid do you have to be to think you can beat the testing system? Someday, MLB will make the penalty for cheating very simple. you use, you lose. done. finished. no more paychecks. forever.

When's the last time we've had this much fun in chicago for the opening month of baseball? both the CUBS & the WHITE SOX are playing good baseball which is extremely rare. both teams are very likeable for a change and it appears team chemistry is a positive in both locker rooms and the cubs should be very proud to have a great offense and the second best pitcher in town.  hopefully, the fun continues on both sides of town.

just curious.  are the cubs interested in JOHN DANKS? we'll pay you to take him. what a waste of human flesh.

So the BEARS picked a SHEA MCCLELLAN clone in the first round. wonderful. too light for a defensive end and has trouble maintaining his 245 weight and got pushed around at GEORGIA when they played bigger teams. my guy was SHAQ LAWSON from CLEMSON but the bears passed on him. arrrrrrrrgggggggh.

the MIAMI DOLPHINS drafted a keg of dynamite in offensive tackle LAREMY TUNSIL, whose recent personal history includes beating his disabled step-father, smoking a bong on video, being sued by the step-dad and throwing OLE MISS staffers under the bus by admitting to the media on draft night they gave him money while he was a member of the football team. uh-oh. hello, NCAA?

the BLACKHAWKS said goodbye but once the NHL announces the new salary cap, GM STAN BOWMAN will get to work doing what he does best which is rebuilding the team every couple of years. despite his playoff meltdown and suspension, i think ANDREW SHAW is staying but they probably can't afford ANDREW LADD.  the multi-talented RICHARD PANIK should be affordable.

done for now but more to come.

this & that

CARLY FIORINA??????????????? just how desperate is TED CRUZ? well, you got you answer last night. after getting his butt kicked in the eastern primaries tuesday night, cruz had to do something drastic but what was he thinking?

fiorina, cursed with permanent 'hang dog bitchy face' has never held political office and personally ran HEWLETT-PACKARD into the ground as an incompetent CEO where under her watch, hp lost half of it's stock value before she was forced to resign.  upon her resignation, the stock ROSE almost 7% the first day. that say anything to you?

what has she accomplished? well, she was an advisor to JOHN McCAIN'S presidential campaign and we all know how well that turned out. she lost a 2010 senatorial bid in california and then got crushed in this year's primaries. and this is who cruz wants to be second in command? yikes.

many moons ago, the democrats tried the same crap when they selected GERALDINE FERRARO as the running mate for a very weak WALTER MONDALE but the public also saw thru that ruse and crushed the ticket on election day. if you have any stones, tell everyone who your running mate is going to be when you enter the primaries, not when you're in trouble.
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TRUMP vs HILLARY! LET'S GET IT ON!!!!!

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former speaker of the house DENNIS HASTERT is very lucky that i'm not wearing the black robes because that degenerate would have died in prison for molesting those boys while he was a high school wrestling coach in illinois. the only thing worse than a catholic priest is a teacher who violates their positions of trust.

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now i'm more than a little confused. we all know that the word "nigger" is absolutely forbidden in society because it conjures up the images of slavery & a race beaten down & deprived for ages. chicago alderman DAVID MOORE, who is black, used the word freely on monday when describing a group who ousted a local principal from his job. "stay in your place, nigger" was his quote when describing the principal's fight with city hall and how the administration handled it. "and i don't apologize.   huh. wonder what the reaction would be if a white alderman said that.

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PRINCE.  natural death or another rock & roll death?

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duh. after years of scoffing at the idea, chicago has finally arrived in the millenium and decreed that vacant buildings will now be 'boarded' up with PLEXI-GLASS. you can obviously see thru it to determine any unlawful entry has been gained plus plexi-glass doesn't burn.  good morning. duh 

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just checked out THE NIGHT MANAGER, a six part tv series that airs once a week. after two episodes, so far so good. 

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once again, i see that chicago is running an inner city summer jobs program to help 'at risk' kids stay off the streets. don't they realize that members of the jungle make about $300 a week CASH just running drugs from one place to another? and i'm not talking about a dealer, just a runner.  so i'm pretty sure that the jungle people will ignore the offer to work for minimum wage. again

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i'm tired.  later

CLEANING OUT THE CLOSET

I was cleaning out the closet the other day and came across some of my old police notebooks and thought i would see how some of the people in the book were doing today. 

i arrested AUDIS CAGLE for the first time on a burglary charge when he was 12 years old and continued to arrest him until he was finally sentenced to 4 years in prison when he was 17. after his release, he figured he'd start over and moved to tennessee. where is audis today? serving SIXTY YEARS in tennessee for armed robbery.  some people never learn.

how about TINA GALLO? sleazebag welfare queen who wins the freaking lottery and disappears to california.  just found out after two years of cashing lottery checks, with a blood alcohol of .25 and heroin in her system, she drove her new car into a tree at 60 mph.  ouch.  

but it's not all bad news.  BILLY SIMPSON was a thief and a doper without a father and six siblings.  took him to a ball game with a couple other wayward 'utes' and stayed in contact with him and watched him realize there was a better way to deal with his problems. today, FATHER BILLY is a priest just outside of new orleans and he spends most of his time working with at-risk kids. nice.

that's all i've got today.  later.

POLITICS & MORE

I have to lead with DONALD TRUMP again because he's a public relations nightmare who obviously suffers from 'foot in mouth' disease and it re-occurs on a regular basis. a small sample of who trump has attacked include the pope, muslims, mexicans, women who get abortions, the media, MEGYN KELLY, and most recently pro golfer JUSTIN SPEITH, widely known as the nicest person on the tour who had one really bad hole on sunday and lost the master's tournament. "he choked. i know it and so does he. couldn't handle the pressure" was how trump attacked the kid on monday. like speith didn't feel bad enough already.

trump had the nomination locked up if he had kept his mouth shut for the last two months but now, with his popularity falling, he faces a brokered convention and if that happens, the republican party will derail his train in favor of a compromise candidate.  book it.

How about OHIO GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH for president?? well, hold your horses.............Just when i thought DONALD TRUMP had cornered the market on making stupid comments, kasich, when asked how he would combat sexual violence on campus, told the questioner that he would tell females to avoid parties where there's a lot of alcohol served. WHAT?  oh that's right. rapists never attack sober females. silly me.

in sports, the playoffs have started in hockey and basketball which means you'll see your other half around the end of june.

girls, here's my yearly helpful hint with the warm weather coming this weekend. the shorts and tops that don't seem to quite fit you any more were not cursed by the clothes fairy but rather the CALORIE MONSTER, who shows up each winter and broadens your horizons. 

NOW READ CLOSELY: if the clothes that don't fit today still don't fit by MEMORIAL DAY, then it's over. 1) drive straight to GOODWILL and drop off all those clothes that USED to fit you and 2) then drive to WAL-MART and buy some cheap shorts and tank tops until you decide when you're going to stop gaining weight.   and NO, you don't look good squeezed into those size 7's when you're now a 9. or 11.

got some little nephews or nieces? take them to see ZOOTOPIA, an animated film about a rabbit who becomes a police officer.  it's only 90 minutes so your brain won't melt like it normally does when watching kid movies. and there are no songs that will stick in your head the rest of the week.

i have more but i'm tired.  later.