in the jungle, the mighty jungle...........

The new chicago police superintendent, EDDIE JOHNSON, apparently lived under a rock the last thirty years before his recent promotion. johnson has asked residents of the jungle to co-operate with officers and help investigations. WHAT IS HE SMOKING?? 

the people in high crime districts are animals who HATE the police and live by the credo that "snitches get stitches" and "survival of the fittest" and there is NO WAY they help the cops for any reason, no matter what color the top cop is.

"i didn't see nuttin"  "i ain't sayin s___ to you" and "we take care of our own" are the three most frequent refrains to investigators after a serious crime and johnson is not going to change that. 

when one animal is killed, then the offended pack heads out to even the score, whether the new victim be man, woman or child. and then they all march in a 'peace' parade, get on the local news and blame the police for not stopping the carnage.
and the beat goes on...................................
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and from the 'exactly HOW OLD ARE YOU?' (ehoau) department: april nineteenth was the 20th anniversary of the oklahoma city bombings. culprit timothy mcveigh was put to death by lethal injection in 2001.
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more EHOAU......how about the classic movie 'FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH with SEAN PENN as stoner jeff spicolli?' well, that was 34 years ago this year.
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i see where moose hunter SARAH PALIN is telling everyone that speaker of the house PAUL RYAN'S career is over because he's not backing donald.  this coming from a woman whose 15 minutes was up a long, long time ago. go away.
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time to guard your daughters: O J SIMPSON is eligible for parole NEXT YEAR and he's been a model prisoner since receiving a 33 year sentence in 2008. it should be noted that simpson has already been granted parole on several of the lesser charges. 

on a personal note, oj was acquitted of the murder charge in 1995 but thirteen years later, he was found guilty of armed robbery. both decisions were rendered on the same date which happens to be my birthday, OCTOBER 3rd.  
buddies with oj? i think not.
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i've never watched the entire TEN COMMANDMENTS movie or the WIZARD OF OZ.
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remember all those baseball cards we collected? well, if you have the 1952 TOPPS MICKEY MANTLE card in prime condition, it just sold saturday night for $312,000! not a bad return for a nickel investment.  too long ago for you? 
ok, then try the 1999 SP DEREK JETER card in 
gem mint condition because it sold at the same auction
 for twenty grand. just sayin'.
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how much did you pay for your first car? mine was a hundred bucks. a classy faded green 1956 ford. drove it 7 months until the a-frame fell out of it at a stop sign. then i got a 1958 oldsmobile. movin' on up.
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does TED CRUZ look a little like EDDIE MUNSTER?
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when you buy a case of pop, why isn't the bar code on the same side as the hand cutout? you set in on the moving belt at the JEWEL and the lady has to flip the box to find the bar code. dumb.
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i hate camping.
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i'm still confused over the transgender bathroom situation.
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i just found out most women under 40 don't wear pantyhose anymore. what do they wear, sox?
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my recipe for prime rib is the best. no discussion needed.
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ok, i'm done for now.  HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

just sports

What is it about athletes that makes them think they can beat the system? DEE GORDON, the defending NL batting champion, tested positive for PED's and got suspended 80 games by MLB and becomes ineligible for post season play, should the MARLINS make it that far. what a moron. exactly how stupid do you have to be to think you can beat the testing system? Someday, MLB will make the penalty for cheating very simple. you use, you lose. done. finished. no more paychecks. forever.

When's the last time we've had this much fun in chicago for the opening month of baseball? both the CUBS & the WHITE SOX are playing good baseball which is extremely rare. both teams are very likeable for a change and it appears team chemistry is a positive in both locker rooms and the cubs should be very proud to have a great offense and the second best pitcher in town.  hopefully, the fun continues on both sides of town.

just curious.  are the cubs interested in JOHN DANKS? we'll pay you to take him. what a waste of human flesh.

So the BEARS picked a SHEA MCCLELLAN clone in the first round. wonderful. too light for a defensive end and has trouble maintaining his 245 weight and got pushed around at GEORGIA when they played bigger teams. my guy was SHAQ LAWSON from CLEMSON but the bears passed on him. arrrrrrrrgggggggh.

the MIAMI DOLPHINS drafted a keg of dynamite in offensive tackle LAREMY TUNSIL, whose recent personal history includes beating his disabled step-father, smoking a bong on video, being sued by the step-dad and throwing OLE MISS staffers under the bus by admitting to the media on draft night they gave him money while he was a member of the football team. uh-oh. hello, NCAA?

the BLACKHAWKS said goodbye but once the NHL announces the new salary cap, GM STAN BOWMAN will get to work doing what he does best which is rebuilding the team every couple of years. despite his playoff meltdown and suspension, i think ANDREW SHAW is staying but they probably can't afford ANDREW LADD.  the multi-talented RICHARD PANIK should be affordable.

done for now but more to come.

this & that

CARLY FIORINA??????????????? just how desperate is TED CRUZ? well, you got you answer last night. after getting his butt kicked in the eastern primaries tuesday night, cruz had to do something drastic but what was he thinking?

fiorina, cursed with permanent 'hang dog bitchy face' has never held political office and personally ran HEWLETT-PACKARD into the ground as an incompetent CEO where under her watch, hp lost half of it's stock value before she was forced to resign.  upon her resignation, the stock ROSE almost 7% the first day. that say anything to you?

what has she accomplished? well, she was an advisor to JOHN McCAIN'S presidential campaign and we all know how well that turned out. she lost a 2010 senatorial bid in california and then got crushed in this year's primaries. and this is who cruz wants to be second in command? yikes.

many moons ago, the democrats tried the same crap when they selected GERALDINE FERRARO as the running mate for a very weak WALTER MONDALE but the public also saw thru that ruse and crushed the ticket on election day. if you have any stones, tell everyone who your running mate is going to be when you enter the primaries, not when you're in trouble.
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TRUMP vs HILLARY! LET'S GET IT ON!!!!!

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former speaker of the house DENNIS HASTERT is very lucky that i'm not wearing the black robes because that degenerate would have died in prison for molesting those boys while he was a high school wrestling coach in illinois. the only thing worse than a catholic priest is a teacher who violates their positions of trust.

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now i'm more than a little confused. we all know that the word "nigger" is absolutely forbidden in society because it conjures up the images of slavery & a race beaten down & deprived for ages. chicago alderman DAVID MOORE, who is black, used the word freely on monday when describing a group who ousted a local principal from his job. "stay in your place, nigger" was his quote when describing the principal's fight with city hall and how the administration handled it. "and i don't apologize.   huh. wonder what the reaction would be if a white alderman said that.

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PRINCE.  natural death or another rock & roll death?

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duh. after years of scoffing at the idea, chicago has finally arrived in the millenium and decreed that vacant buildings will now be 'boarded' up with PLEXI-GLASS. you can obviously see thru it to determine any unlawful entry has been gained plus plexi-glass doesn't burn.  good morning. duh 

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just checked out THE NIGHT MANAGER, a six part tv series that airs once a week. after two episodes, so far so good. 

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once again, i see that chicago is running an inner city summer jobs program to help 'at risk' kids stay off the streets. don't they realize that members of the jungle make about $300 a week CASH just running drugs from one place to another? and i'm not talking about a dealer, just a runner.  so i'm pretty sure that the jungle people will ignore the offer to work for minimum wage. again

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i'm tired.  later

CLEANING OUT THE CLOSET

I was cleaning out the closet the other day and came across some of my old police notebooks and thought i would see how some of the people in the book were doing today. 

i arrested AUDIS CAGLE for the first time on a burglary charge when he was 12 years old and continued to arrest him until he was finally sentenced to 4 years in prison when he was 17. after his release, he figured he'd start over and moved to tennessee. where is audis today? serving SIXTY YEARS in tennessee for armed robbery.  some people never learn.

how about TINA GALLO? sleazebag welfare queen who wins the freaking lottery and disappears to california.  just found out after two years of cashing lottery checks, with a blood alcohol of .25 and heroin in her system, she drove her new car into a tree at 60 mph.  ouch.  

but it's not all bad news.  BILLY SIMPSON was a thief and a doper without a father and six siblings.  took him to a ball game with a couple other wayward 'utes' and stayed in contact with him and watched him realize there was a better way to deal with his problems. today, FATHER BILLY is a priest just outside of new orleans and he spends most of his time working with at-risk kids. nice.

that's all i've got today.  later.

POLITICS & MORE

I have to lead with DONALD TRUMP again because he's a public relations nightmare who obviously suffers from 'foot in mouth' disease and it re-occurs on a regular basis. a small sample of who trump has attacked include the pope, muslims, mexicans, women who get abortions, the media, MEGYN KELLY, and most recently pro golfer JUSTIN SPEITH, widely known as the nicest person on the tour who had one really bad hole on sunday and lost the master's tournament. "he choked. i know it and so does he. couldn't handle the pressure" was how trump attacked the kid on monday. like speith didn't feel bad enough already.

trump had the nomination locked up if he had kept his mouth shut for the last two months but now, with his popularity falling, he faces a brokered convention and if that happens, the republican party will derail his train in favor of a compromise candidate.  book it.

How about OHIO GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH for president?? well, hold your horses.............Just when i thought DONALD TRUMP had cornered the market on making stupid comments, kasich, when asked how he would combat sexual violence on campus, told the questioner that he would tell females to avoid parties where there's a lot of alcohol served. WHAT?  oh that's right. rapists never attack sober females. silly me.

in sports, the playoffs have started in hockey and basketball which means you'll see your other half around the end of june.

girls, here's my yearly helpful hint with the warm weather coming this weekend. the shorts and tops that don't seem to quite fit you any more were not cursed by the clothes fairy but rather the CALORIE MONSTER, who shows up each winter and broadens your horizons. 

NOW READ CLOSELY: if the clothes that don't fit today still don't fit by MEMORIAL DAY, then it's over. 1) drive straight to GOODWILL and drop off all those clothes that USED to fit you and 2) then drive to WAL-MART and buy some cheap shorts and tank tops until you decide when you're going to stop gaining weight.   and NO, you don't look good squeezed into those size 7's when you're now a 9. or 11.

got some little nephews or nieces? take them to see ZOOTOPIA, an animated film about a rabbit who becomes a police officer.  it's only 90 minutes so your brain won't melt like it normally does when watching kid movies. and there are no songs that will stick in your head the rest of the week.

i have more but i'm tired.  later.

IT'S SHOWTIME!!

Happy spring to everyone!

MLB is just a few days away but i really don't see any reason for playing the season as the CHICAGO CUBS have already been awarded the COMMISSIONER'S TROPHY by almost every member of the media and the north side boot licking sychophants. just remember the two key words which follow the cubs everywhere: FRUSTRATION & DISAPPOINTMENT.

although i won't be attending any WHITE SOX games this year (unless someone buys me a ticket) because JERKWAD VENTURA is still managing the team, my hope is for them to continue improving and finish at .500 for the season  but that's hard to do with a knob like ventura pulling the strings.

are the BLACKHAWKS contenders or pretenders? losing COREY CRAWFORD sent them into a tailspin where they've lost 7 of 10 and fallen out of contention for first place but they also can't beat MINNESOTA or DALLAS so their chance of escaping the western conference playoffs are bleak.  does crawford really mean that much?

and now the BULLS.  it's really ugly and the gap between MR. SOFTEE & JIMMY BUTLER is about a mile wide plus FRED HOIBERG has proven, once again, that successful college coaches can rarely make the transition to the pros.  fred got 25 million for 5 years so he's got 5 mil in his pocket.....how about another 5 million to say goodbye?

So just take a LARGE stick of dynamite and blow this team up as high as it can go. they don't play defense and they normally can't score and the locker room is a mess.  other than that, things are great.

now i have to open some mail.  later

hello again

MEXICO is still beautiful and there's many places to visit that have zero problems with the cartels. try it some time.
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seriously, is there something mentally wrong with DONALD TRUMP? here's a guy who is kicking TED CRUZ' rear end in almost every primary and all he has to do is stand back and watch cruz disappear into the sunset but trump continues to act like a spoiled child and can't keep his mouth shut. CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING TRUMP'S MEDIA ADVISOR? this guy probably starts drinking as soon as he sees the morning news.
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can BERNIE SANDERS catch the anti-christ HILLARY CLINTON? sanders has surprised many with his primary wins but the bottom line is that he needs to win the upcoming big state primaries like california & new york AND convince the 'super delegates' to come over to his side. maybe............
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what the hell is a 'super delegate'? simplified answer: a group of 712 democrats such as sitting governors, democratic members of the house & senate and distinguished party members and if those delegates feel that sanders would give the democratic party a better chance to win the presidency after all the primaries are done, they can switch their allegiance. 
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TED CRUZ? no
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RIP to former toronto mayor ROB FORD who passed after a long battle with cancer. ford was the headline making, hard drinking, cocaine sniffing, drunk driving, wife beating, call girl liking mayor who made the papers almost everyday in 2012 & 2013. due to his well publicized  antics, the board stripped him of his mayoral powers although he was allowed to finish his term. ford's reaction to this? "if they want to pay me $177,000 a year to stare out the window, i'm their man!"
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ok, that sheet of notes is done. many more to come but i've gotta work on my taxes.  bye for now.