SPORTS OF ALL SORTS

 Hello again everybody and welcome to April madness with playoffs everywhere along with the NFL draft and not a moment to waste so here goes!

First and foremost, CONGRATULATIONS TO THE CHICAGO BEARS! YOWSA!! A top shelf first round draft that grades out as A+ and makes every fan excited about next year. They were 7-10 last year and now let's hope 9-8 is in the cards for 2024.

AND A NEW STADIUM?? Be still my heart.

Now let's kill the elephant in the room so Cubs fans can relax and enjoy the rest of the column after reading the following beatdown. 

THE WHITE SOX ABSOLUTELY SUCK! My lord, they are the worst team I've seen in a long time and I truly believe they will break the all-time record of 120 losses, set by the EXPANSION New York Mets. At 3-22, they are on pace to finish 18-134.

A quick review: Just prior to co-vid, the Sox had a small window of playoff opportunity and bowed out quickly in consecutive years and that window slammed shut, emphasized by a disappointing year and then a terrible year and then they traded MOST of their regulars who were any good. 

Now if you do this, you better have people ready to play in the minors. Oops. The White Sox do have the third ranked system in the minors, behind the Cubs and the Orioles but until the kids are ready to play, it's going to be a long and dreadful two years. 

Is there any hope? 71-91, 61-101, 66-96, 73-89. Do those numbers look familiar to you, Cub fans? Those were the 4 years for the Cubs leading up to 2015 when they finished 97-65 and you all know what happened in 2016. So take a deep breath, Sox fans, and cross your fingers and your toes and maybe.....

The CUBS are off and running but need to stay healthy. Two starting outfielders, your best starting pitcher AND two steady relievers on the IL doesn't help but for the record, Uncle Dan bet the Cubs to win more than 83 games AND to win the division. I won't tell you the rest of my Cubs bets because you'll send the men with the nets and the white jackets to my house.

KYLE HENDRICKS does not have a bad back, he just stinks and the Cubs are hiding him until they figure out what to do with him. You never win the race with Father Time.

The BULLS did it again. They were just good enough to reach the playoffs and bad enough to get eliminated early, which will result in a middle of the road draft position which means next season, the beat goes on and on and on and on and everybody is one year older.

The BLACKHAWKS are really bad and will get a PREMIUM draft choice for the second consecutive year and they should be better next year. Should.

The MASTERS always seems to provide drama and excitement. Two guys trying to catch SCOTTIE SCHEFFLER on the final day resulted in unforced errors and both found the water to lock it up for Scheffler, who is the best in the world. HOWEVER.....If he spotted me 10 strokes, I would kick his ass at Augusta. Just 10 strokes.....per hole. 😁🏌🏆

What the hell was the GM of the ATLANTA FALCONS thinking when he drafted a quarterback in the first round? The had just signed CAPTAIN CONCRETE to 4 years @180 million with half of that guaranteed and then you draft a left hander with a history of knee problems?? Available with that pick was an animal tight end from Georgia named BROCK BOWERS, a two time national champion. I do not comprehend.

Even the Pittsburgh Steelers don't trust JUSTIN FIELDS. Before he's thrown a single pass in practice, they informed him that they would not be picking up next year's option on his contract. Without throwing a pass. How the mighty have fallen but he joins a large club of failed Chicago quarterbacks, as follows:

CADE McNOWN, SHANE MATHEWS, CHRIS CHANDLER, HENRY BURRIS, KORDELL STEWART, CRAIG KRENZEL,CHAD HUTCHINSON, JONATHAN QUINN, KYLE ORTON, BRIAN GRIESE, JAY CUTLER & MITCH FREAKING TRUBISKY.    

I have to stop at this point because I'm feeling ill. What a group of clowns.

OK, the desk is kind of cleared off...until next time. and stay out of Chicago.

A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF

I'm back from Mexico and we have all sorts of things to talk about NOW!

First of all, HAPPY WACKY TABACCY DAY!! Yes, today is 4/20 when all of you "dope fiends" (my father's description of tokers) gather around, put your feet up, scratch your belly, hold a cold can of beer and spark up a fatty. ENJOY! But be careful of the gummies for dessert.

Reality Check: the COLUMBINE HIGH SCHOOL massacre was 25 years ago today.

Today is also ADOLPH HITLER'S birthday. And now we move to DONALD TRUMP.  

See what I did there?

WE ARE READY TO RUMMMMMMMMBLE!!! They have completed jury selection for DONALD TRUMP and his date with destiny begins soon. 12 jurors and 6 alternates will decide his fate but don't expect any jail time if he's convicted because he has no criminal record BUT the presiding judge does have a history of being harsh when sentencing white collar criminals. Each of the 34 counts carries the possibility of a 4 year prison sentence. We'll see.

I said it before and I'll say it again. No one is above the law. NO ONE. HUNTER BIDEN should go to jail for his B.S. and trump should follow if convicted.

An interesting wager that I am part of as follows: Will big mouth trump take the witness stand? "I absolutely will testify!" I say no chance although I would love to see him blistered under cross-examination and watch him lose his cool with the jury taking notes. If he does take the stand, two things become crystal clear. 1)Trump is very stupid and 2) he has the worst lawyer since...........  RUDY GUILIANI! Who will ever forget the black hair dye running down Rudy's face at his outdoor press conference behind the Four Seasons Landscaping Company? No one.

Court observers say that trump lost the color in his face when it was ruled that certain "prior bad acts" would be allowed in cross examination if he takes the stand. And the best part would be that he would be under oath and don't think for a minute that there wouldn't be a fact checker in the court room. I can see the neon sign flashing already......PERJURY! PERJURY! PERJURY! I hate to lose my bet but PUH-LEEEEEEEZE take the stand!!

And if he doesn't, I can hear him now. "I was going to take the stand but my very fine lawyers, and they are the very best, talked me out of it but I really wanted to.....and if he is found guilty, his retort will be  'that his lawyers made a big mistake in keeping me off the stand because I would have convinced the jury all by myself.'  Have you noticed the bags under his eyes? a tired, bitter man. 

I think spring has finally arrived. Upper 50's and low 60's in the day and 40's at night and hopefully graduating slow but steady into summer. And after typing this, the chill factor today is 30 degrees. oops.

Just catching up with the news but I see that Chicago has once again become a shooting gallery with 130 homicides thru April 13 which averages about 40 a month and the WARM WEATHER ISN'T HERE YET.!! Can't wait to see how the city handles the ghetto areas around the United Center when the Democratic Convention arrives in mid-August. I know how they handled it in 1996 BUT nowadays, everyone has a camera.

Back to trump for a moment. Is he ever happy about anything? Now Trump  is accusing NASDAQ of allowing stock manipulation because "there's no way my stock can keep falling like that because I have a very fine company." Never his fault. Sound familiar?

Trump Media has lost 50% of it's value in less than a month since it hit the open market.

I don't think I've ever listened to a TAYLOR SWIFT song but I'm going to do it today. She's 34 and a certified billionaire so she must be doing something right.

WILL TRENT is the most innovative show on television. It's in its second year but you have to watch this peculiar detective from season one to have any chance of understanding him.

It took them about 75 years but have you noticed the use of a split screen for almost all sports events so they can get the commercials in but you can still watch the event? Very important with the Paris Olympics coming up in July because commercials pay the electric bills and a whole lot more.

And speaking of Paris, the repair work for the fire that occurred  at the 850 year old NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL is moving right along but no visitors until the end of the year at the earliest. The fire was so intense that the spire collapsed and transferred the flames into the church area. Incredibly, the crown of thorns and stained glass windows survived the extreme temperatures plus the twin towers featured in THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME were not damaged. A miracle? discuss.

Bought a 7# prime rib Easter week and retail price was $14.49 per pound but I got lucky when I walked in during a one day sale and got it for 5.99 a pound, about 65% off the $104.00 normal price. I high fived myself and hurried to the car before they changed their mind and ruined my dinner.

Listened to 4 songs. I'll pass. She has a pleasant but not very powerful voice. Two octaves on her best day. I was 2 octaves when I sang in St. John's choir.

What do we do with the homeless people? another discussion.

DEXTER REED fires his weapon from inside a car and hits a police officer and the other officers fire their weapons until the offender is dead. Pretty basic action and reaction. But now they want to hang the officers out to dry because among other things, they fired their weapons too many times. WHAT? Are they supposed to just fire once and call it even? That maggot deserved to die and he did. Case closed.

I still don't understand the STUDENT LOAN RELIEF. Seriously, you sign for a loan and you know you have to repay it. Why should those loans be wiped out? I'm confused. But I've come up with an idea regarding both my car loan and my mortgage. I'm going to send a letter to my Senator TAMMY DUCKWORTH and ask that she arrange to absolve me of any financial responsibility because........well, just because I don't want to pay them anymore.

Here's an eye opener just for you. Did you know that if you are injured in a traffic accident in Illinois and the guy at fault has the minimum insurance coverage required by state law, the most you can collect is $25,000? And the average medical bill for an injured motorist is......$24,000! Doesn't leave much for pain & suffering or loss of wages, does it? And here's the real kick in the butt: The same coverage is in effect if you die in the accident. One person dead and his family gets 25 grand. Check the cost of a funeral lately? The state is working on raising the minimum coverages.

I always thought that BROOKFIELD ZOO had every kind of animal but they are receiving their first two koala bears in May, on a two year loan from Australia. Cute and cuddly looking, they are solitary animals and prefer to be left alone and they have VERY SHARP teeth and claws if you try to touch them. And basically, they just eat eucalyptus leaves or leaves from a tea tree, none of which you have at home. They are total herbivores so don't throw a baloney sandwich into the enclosure but rather, give it to me.

Finally, it's good to be home but Mexico still is a wonderful place to visit. Good fresh food, beautiful women and people that get the most out of just a little bit and the best part, there is absolutely no snow. LOL.

That's it for now. Enjoy the spring and stay out of Chicago.  Later dude, I have to unwind with MARY JANE and her friends GANGSTER, BOOM, WEED, POT, DOPE, GRASS HERB, AUNT MARY, SKUNK, GANJA, HASH & CHRONIC.  farrrrrrr out.