a solid definition

i was contacted by several people the other day asking for a solid definition of CUBPUD, my new word that i hope in due time will be accepted into the english language. i thought long & hard, determined to issue a definition that would leave nothing to the imagination when suddenly, as if scripted from the heavens, GRANT DePORTER was dropped into my lap.

to those of you who aren't familiar with this smarmy north sider, deporter was born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth and was educated thru private chicago schools and eventually received an ivy league degree at cornell university. i can guarantee you he lost every school yard fight when he wasn't hiding behind his nanny and belonged to the audio-visual club and was president of the stamp collectors.

he wears cub crap all the time and is the boss at harry caray's restaurant (where else?) but he keeps himself in the media spotlight with his free spending habits in an effort to 'break the curse.' (oh grant, have you ever thought about the fact that the cubs just suck?)

in 2004, he bought the famous STEVE BARTMAN (my hero) ball for $113,000.00 and then blew it up. that's right. KA-BOOM. 113k pissed away. did i already mention the silver spoon?  how'd that work out with ending the curse?

i think you're getting the picture of a real CUBPUD. just a reminder for all cubpuds: steve bartman was well within his right to try and catch the foul ball because it WASN'T in the field of play). deal with it.

BUT NOW IT GETS BETTER. einstein deporter has come up with a theory that in the 1945 world series, the detroit tigers used 'dead' baseballs to offset the power of the north siders in game 7 and that's why they lost the series. arrrrgh.

hey moron, listen closely.  in 1945, they played the last 4 games IN CHICAGO!  the hometeam was responsible for supplying the baseballs. did the cubs' own people switch the baseballs?

FYI--the 'dead' baseballs weren't produced after 1931. did the tigers really sit on dozens of dead baseballs for fourteen years waiting for the opportunity to short circuit the cubs? if you even think that's a plausible theory, you never again have to wonder what a cubpud looks like. just glance in the mirror.

 DO YOU SEE WHY BASEBALL FANS HATE CUBPUDS? rather than just admitting your players and organization blow big time and gagged away 3 of 4 games in wrigley to lose the 1945 series, (sound familiar?) you submit ridiculous conspiracy theories that most people find laughable.

there is absolutely no evidence save for a cat scan image of a ball that einstein bought for another eight grand that supposedly was the last out in 1945 and it's different than a ball from 2005.  no kidding. SIXTY YEARS have passed and who knows where or how that ball was stored and under what conditions? or if little grant was scammed by the seller? by the way, the tigers lost the world series in BOTH 1934 and 1940. guess they forgot the dead baseballs at home.


grant, you are the poster boy for CUBPUDS all over the world.

JUST SOME THOUGHTS

 the prosecution in the penn state/JERRY SANDUSKY trial (and believe me, the university is on trial too) will rest it's case on friday and then the defense gets it's turn but how do they defend that piece of crap? i think sandusky will be found guilty and sentenced to a hundred years in prison (seriously) which means he dies there. i hope he enjoys it the first time 'big bubba' grabs him in a bear hug from behind and walks him to a secluded corner. remember that about 20% of all male prisoners were abused BEFORE they ever went to jail which means good old jerry should run into some angry inmates.

the trial has also made the future very uncertain for three members of joe paterno's staff who either failed to report witnessing sandusky's sexual assault of a young boy or lied to a grand jury about their knowledge of the incident. may they all be touched by the swift sword of justice with future indictments. oh, and by the way, the hell with JOE PATERNO. may he rot in hell for failing to report the abuse. (reprinted from my sports blog of 6/13/12)

RAHM EMANUEL accomplished a lot during his first year in office but i think he may have stuck his nose in a hornet's nest regarding the teachers in the public school system, of which 90% gave their approval to strike. i think rahm is heading for his first big defeat as mayor. a strike would be very ugly so a settlement should happen before that.

have you seen the show "MOB WIVES"? those women are aging quickly and very scary. i've known a woman for a long time whose dad was in charge of all the porn theatres in the chicago area. eventually, he pissed someone off  and ended up staring at the spare tire in a chevy trunk. my friend robyn never did well after that and it's sad watching her trying to still play the part of princess when she has absolutely nothing. old habits die hard.

the luckiest guy on the planet? JOHN EDWARDS, who was acquitted of one charge of financial irregularities with his ill-fated presidential campaign and then saw the government drop the remaining charges. edwards was the sweetheart who found out his wife had terminal cancer but continued his illicit affair, eventually fathering a child with his mistress while his wife was undergoing treatment. as NANCY GRACE likes to say, "the devil is dancing tonight."

the goofiest guy? maybe movie star MEL GIBSON, famous for his racist rants, who thinks the pope is the anti-christ, john lennon deserved to be shot and gibson's ex-girlfriend should be raped and killed. ah, serenity. gibson has many more opinions & thought throughout this e-book, which is available for just three bucks at amazon.com. i'm thinking ....maybe save your money and have a cold beer instead.

stay well.

AN OLD ERA BUT A NEW WORD

my dislike for everything north side reached a new level on tuesday when the wrigley boys made hitting coach rudy jaramillo the fall guy for the disaster known as the 2012 chicago cubs. they gave this guy two hitters and a garbage can full of crap that shouldn't even be in the major leagues and then theo and the staff were surprised when they couldn't hit?????

check out this theo-ism: "Rudy's not to blame for the results," said Epstein,  president of baseball operations. "That's something we're all accountable for. We put the roster together. It's probably more on us than it is on him." well, if theo is speaking the truth, shouldn't somebody in the front office get whacked rather than jaramillo?  RUDY'S NOT TO BLAME. but he gets fired.

which makes this the perfect time to introduce my new word for everyone associated with the north side, whether it be players, fans, bosses or beer vendors. CUBPUD. and i will gladly award my first use of the word to king theo, who showed he was a major CUBPUD with his handling of jaramillo's termination. just let the man go & announce the change.....don't stand in front of a microphone and say it wasn't his fault when you announce the firing. showed no class. cuppud.

did my heart good on tuesday night to see wrigley not full again and about 20,000 tiger fans in attendance. the rooftops were about 60% and it was a very nice night for baseball; a little cool but that keeps the smell of urine to a minimum. but don't forget they do have bison dogs.

moving along and football related, the prosecution in the penn state/JERRY SANDUSKY trial (and believe me, the university is on trial too) will rest it's case on friday and then the defense gets it's turn but how do they defend that piece of crap? i think sandusky will be found guilty and sentenced to a hundred years in prison (seriously) which means he dies there. i hope he enjoys it the first time 'big bubba' grabs him in a bear hug from behind and walks him to a secluded corner. remember that about 20% of all male prisoners were abused BEFORE they ever went to jail which means good old jerry should run into some angry inmates.

the trial has also made the future very uncertain for three members of joe paterno's staff who either failed to report witnessing sandusky's sexual assault of a young boy or lied to a grand jury about their knowledge of the incident. may they all be touched by the swift sword of justice with future indictments. oh, and by the way, the hell with JOE PATERNO. may he rot in hell for failing to report the abuse.

the OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER did as i expected on tuesday night and simply wore down the MIAMI HEAT in the 4th quarter. DEWAYNE WADE & CHRIS BOSH combined for 29 points but they'll need to make that 49 if the heat want to be competitive. LEBRON did his part with 30 points BUT disappeared again in the 4th quarter, scoring only ONE BASKET in the last eight minutes and taking only five shots the entire quarter. the fatigue was obvious.

congratulations to the LOS ANGELES KINGS, who steamrolled every team in the playoffs and captured their first stanley cup on monday night. i'm sure the quiche was flowing into the wee hours.  adios for now.

just some thoughts

i think the uncoachable STARLIN CASTRO wants out of chicago if there's not a change in managers. it's pretty well known in baseball circles that castro & manager DALE SVEUM don't see eye to eye on most baseball issues and castro's recent 'lapses' on defense have put the manager in a very difficult position. sveum is a no nonsense manager who has had it up to here with the punk from the dominican republic and he has threatened benching castro if the problems continue but the real problem is that the cubs have advertised the shortstop as 'their future' so does that mean sveum has one foot out the door? stay tuned because as the losing continues, the tempers will get shorter and i can't see sveum backing down when it comes time for discipline.

i think that both sides of town need to shanghai their respective shortstops. the cubs because castro is cast in the same mold as SAMMY SOSA ("hooray for me and the hell with everyone else") and will NEVER be a team player, just like sammy thru the years. remember how that relationship ended?

and the bonehead on the south side, ALEXEI RAMIREZ, was exposed defensively over & over again this weekend and botched not one but two freaking double steals. the shortstop has to be the captain on defense and have his head in the game at ALL times, not just when he feels like it. combine that with his .215 average and he looks like real good trade bait to me.

the WHITE SOX were fun for a while but the wheels are starting to loosen as their starting pitching, once perceived as a strength, is now down to just two guys and they're holding their collective breath that neither gets hurt. DETROIT is still the team to beat in that division but they also have pitching woes so the sox may hang around for a little bit more.

showdown in OKC!!!! the thunder is an even money favorite to capture their first nba championship since moving to oklahoma and wouldn't it be sweet to see LEBRON not win it again? and heat guard DEWAYNE WADE has to be the most unlikeable guy in the league. arrogant & self centered to the enth degree. i want to see him guard russell westbrook. for you trivia buffs...the thunder used to be the SEATTLE SUPERSONICS, who won their only championship in 1979.

the celtics had a nice run but it's time to break them up. three hall of famers only lost one race in their careers....to father time. RAY ALLEN, KEVIN GARNETT & PAUL PIERCE are all first ballot entries but now it's time to rebuild around RAJON RONDO.

updating the guys who used to be here: CARLOS ZAMBRANO is 4-3 and left the game yesterday with a sore back. sound familiar?  MARK BUERHLE is 5-5, losing two in a row, then winning 5 in a row and now has dropped his last two. a .500 pitcher. also sound familiar? ARAMIS RAMIREZ is hitting .254 and has struck out 31 times and only walked twice. i KNOW that sounds familiar! and WILL OHMAN has transferred his crap from the north side to the south side and the stench is unbearable. the WORST pitcher in the bullpen with a 5.40 era and the only positive is that as soon as the sox fall out of the race, that fat piece of crap will be released.

a final note: the WNBA is back.  that's right, girl's professional basketball is available allllllllllllllllllllllllllll summer long. catch the fever!  adios for now.